Understanding gender equality
Gender equality is not about women taking the power away from men, but is about equal partnerships where responsibilities are shared, say the experts.
The frequent headlines announcing the death or violent assault of women at the hands of intimate partners in Namibia have laid bare some of the attitudes around gender equality and the fears linked to the changing traditional roles of men and women.
Although statistics on what has been dubbed 'passion killings', a term criticised by many, are incomplete or unavailable, hundreds of women report assault by boyfriends or husbands annually.
Dozens die each year when arguments with current or ex partners spiral out of control.
In October, family members of the late Maria Megameno Kamati (29), who was murdered by her live-in partner of nine years, 41-year-old Erastus Heita, revealed they had been aware of the violent nature of their relationship.
The family, however, were quoted as saying that those cultural norms dictated that they not interfere even though Kamati had told them of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Heita, the father of her two children. The murder, as always, led to an outcry against gender-based violence, as well as many attempts, especially on social media, to explain the causes of Namibia's murderous attitude towards women.
The factors contributing to the high rate of domestic violence in Namibia are complex and diverse, but many experts agree that patriarchy, where males are still the primary holders of power in relationships and in general in Namibia's society, as well as traditional practices and beliefs, contribute to the problem.
Psychologist Shaun Whittaker wrote in 2012 that 'passion killings' in Namibia seem “to be based on the notion of male authority and male power, i.e.: that somehow the needs of men are more important and that men should be in control.”
He wrote that the available evidence indicates that “patriarchy seems to be at the root of these killings.”
A crisis for men
A recent social media post, which was liked and shared multiple times, stated that “Women have more power and protection these days and us men feel worthless. Men's lives don't matter anymore, and that is the reason why some men who are not strong enough, end up killing their women and taking their own lives or end up going to prison.”
Human rights activist and lawyer, Norman Tjombe, warned that this attitude is problematic and wrong.
“No person should ever be harmed or even murdered because of what they say or how they behave. If someone is in a relationship in which he is not happy, he must simply move on and terminate the relationship.”
The Legal Assistance Centre's (LAC) gender advocate Dianne Hubbard said many “men so often blame their use of physical violence on the verbal and emotional provocation of women.”
Tjombe added that “there should never be a situation that a woman's choice is either she stays in a destructive and unhappy relationship, or has to die. Never.”
Hubbard added that male possessiveness, which is fuelled by dominance and power, adds to the problem.
“Too many men commit violence or even murder when this happens on the theory that 'if I am not going to have you, then no one else will.' The fear of violent consequences can trap women in unhealthy relationships.”
Deadly beliefs
Blaming gender equality for violent responses underlines that the term is not only often rejected but also misunderstood.
“Equality does not mean being the same, but it does mean being treated equally. And equality begins at home,” Hubbard explained.
She said the question men and women have to ask is “what part of a man's or a woman's biological make-up suggests that the two sexes should not be equal decision-makers in the household or equal partners in household duties?”
She said gender equality does not deny that there are physical differences between the sexes “but that should not affect equality any more than we would accept different treatment of people on the basis of different levels of pigment in the skin, or eye colour, or height.”
The author of the social media post condemned violence against women and wrote that he understood the forces that drive some men to kill their partners.
He wrote that “if I was a weak man, I could have killed my wife”, who he said he is currently divorcing.
He noted that his soon to be ex-partner had emotionally and verbally abused him during the marriage to the point where he sometimes “felt like taking a gun and put a bullet in her head (sic)”.
He emphasised that this type of action would not resolve the issue and cause only more hurt.
He instead advised men to remember that “no matter what the law says, we will always be stronger than women, but we need to learn to get over women who do not want us anymore and learn to move on.”
One of the issues, he writes, is that women wear the “pants today in relationships” and that women misunderstand gender equality.
“They think that being equal is to have everything that men naturally have, including strength and high testosterone, but in fact they need to be reminded that no matter how much education or money she has, she will never be a man.”
He says laws have to be changed in Namibia to address this issue, and women need to be educated about their “positions in the households”.
He concluded his post with the hashtag 'All Lives Matter'.
Deep-rooted crisis
Tjombe said the post showed that “violence against women has been because of deep-rooted beliefs that women have a particular role to play in society or that they are inferior to men. This is obviously hogwash.”
He warned that “only when it is accepted and it becomes our culture that men and women are equal beings, can we have a reduction and ultimately an end to violence against women.”
Hubbard said the writer “seems to equate masculinity with strength and power. What a limited view.”
She said men and women deserve to be able to express all of the aspects of their personalities, and “ignoring the full spectrum of the personalities of either men or women is damaging to both and a contributor to violence and suicide rates.” Both Hubbard and Tjombe emphasised the importance of mutual respect.
“We need to teach our children and young people, both girls and boys, that we need to respect each other and that violence to settle a dispute is not appropriate,” Tjombe said.
Hubbard: “If we all treated each other with respect, many of Namibia's problems would be resolved.”
JANA-MARI SMITH
Although statistics on what has been dubbed 'passion killings', a term criticised by many, are incomplete or unavailable, hundreds of women report assault by boyfriends or husbands annually.
Dozens die each year when arguments with current or ex partners spiral out of control.
In October, family members of the late Maria Megameno Kamati (29), who was murdered by her live-in partner of nine years, 41-year-old Erastus Heita, revealed they had been aware of the violent nature of their relationship.
The family, however, were quoted as saying that those cultural norms dictated that they not interfere even though Kamati had told them of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Heita, the father of her two children. The murder, as always, led to an outcry against gender-based violence, as well as many attempts, especially on social media, to explain the causes of Namibia's murderous attitude towards women.
The factors contributing to the high rate of domestic violence in Namibia are complex and diverse, but many experts agree that patriarchy, where males are still the primary holders of power in relationships and in general in Namibia's society, as well as traditional practices and beliefs, contribute to the problem.
Psychologist Shaun Whittaker wrote in 2012 that 'passion killings' in Namibia seem “to be based on the notion of male authority and male power, i.e.: that somehow the needs of men are more important and that men should be in control.”
He wrote that the available evidence indicates that “patriarchy seems to be at the root of these killings.”
A crisis for men
A recent social media post, which was liked and shared multiple times, stated that “Women have more power and protection these days and us men feel worthless. Men's lives don't matter anymore, and that is the reason why some men who are not strong enough, end up killing their women and taking their own lives or end up going to prison.”
Human rights activist and lawyer, Norman Tjombe, warned that this attitude is problematic and wrong.
“No person should ever be harmed or even murdered because of what they say or how they behave. If someone is in a relationship in which he is not happy, he must simply move on and terminate the relationship.”
The Legal Assistance Centre's (LAC) gender advocate Dianne Hubbard said many “men so often blame their use of physical violence on the verbal and emotional provocation of women.”
Tjombe added that “there should never be a situation that a woman's choice is either she stays in a destructive and unhappy relationship, or has to die. Never.”
Hubbard added that male possessiveness, which is fuelled by dominance and power, adds to the problem.
“Too many men commit violence or even murder when this happens on the theory that 'if I am not going to have you, then no one else will.' The fear of violent consequences can trap women in unhealthy relationships.”
Deadly beliefs
Blaming gender equality for violent responses underlines that the term is not only often rejected but also misunderstood.
“Equality does not mean being the same, but it does mean being treated equally. And equality begins at home,” Hubbard explained.
She said the question men and women have to ask is “what part of a man's or a woman's biological make-up suggests that the two sexes should not be equal decision-makers in the household or equal partners in household duties?”
She said gender equality does not deny that there are physical differences between the sexes “but that should not affect equality any more than we would accept different treatment of people on the basis of different levels of pigment in the skin, or eye colour, or height.”
The author of the social media post condemned violence against women and wrote that he understood the forces that drive some men to kill their partners.
He wrote that “if I was a weak man, I could have killed my wife”, who he said he is currently divorcing.
He noted that his soon to be ex-partner had emotionally and verbally abused him during the marriage to the point where he sometimes “felt like taking a gun and put a bullet in her head (sic)”.
He emphasised that this type of action would not resolve the issue and cause only more hurt.
He instead advised men to remember that “no matter what the law says, we will always be stronger than women, but we need to learn to get over women who do not want us anymore and learn to move on.”
One of the issues, he writes, is that women wear the “pants today in relationships” and that women misunderstand gender equality.
“They think that being equal is to have everything that men naturally have, including strength and high testosterone, but in fact they need to be reminded that no matter how much education or money she has, she will never be a man.”
He says laws have to be changed in Namibia to address this issue, and women need to be educated about their “positions in the households”.
He concluded his post with the hashtag 'All Lives Matter'.
Deep-rooted crisis
Tjombe said the post showed that “violence against women has been because of deep-rooted beliefs that women have a particular role to play in society or that they are inferior to men. This is obviously hogwash.”
He warned that “only when it is accepted and it becomes our culture that men and women are equal beings, can we have a reduction and ultimately an end to violence against women.”
Hubbard said the writer “seems to equate masculinity with strength and power. What a limited view.”
She said men and women deserve to be able to express all of the aspects of their personalities, and “ignoring the full spectrum of the personalities of either men or women is damaging to both and a contributor to violence and suicide rates.” Both Hubbard and Tjombe emphasised the importance of mutual respect.
“We need to teach our children and young people, both girls and boys, that we need to respect each other and that violence to settle a dispute is not appropriate,” Tjombe said.
Hubbard: “If we all treated each other with respect, many of Namibia's problems would be resolved.”
JANA-MARI SMITH
Comments
Namibian Sun
No comments have been left on this article