There's a new dance in town!

Move aside 'Azonto dance', there is a new kid in town! Yes, there is a new dance that has taken over Herero Mall. This dance implores people to get down to it - literally! If you think this is another urban legend - like that which is told of 'Big Foot', 'Robin Hood' or 'Charlie the Lover', (now you know why I still use S-curl and Go-Black in this day and age), then you are in for a surprise.

There is a new dance in town, and it is done with your feet off the ground. In fact, your whole body is off the ground when doing this dance! It is called the 'Tanganjika', and is taking the 'dancing' world by storm! When the song implores you to 'do a Tanga', you throw yourself on the ground and start rolling - twisting and turning your body like there is no tomorrow.

Hoax? No, my dear friend - this dance is no hoax and its news is no fluke either; it is as real as the pain experienced when punched in the mouth by the jealous boyfriend of your kamboroto! I too had a tough time comprehending the news that a grown man can literally throw himself on the ground, roll in laughter and still live to tell the story! I mean, let’s face it - who does that?

Isn't that supposed to be the best-kept secret of a toddler to make you - who by the way is supposed to be the adult - do something for him? I mean, they are the only people I have seen taking to the ground with pride. As an adult, the only time you approach the ground at such lightning speed is when you realise that your school mate - whom you accused of weak a 'sissy girl' - has an amazing right-hook.

But no, the Tanganjika is only danced when you roll on the ground and do funny moves that look like somersaulting. Well, to be honest, it is not exactly somersaulting - given the sizes of our kapundas, it ends up being a 'funny move'. Ja, when asked to click on a form with different type of dances, the attempt at somersault will be placed under "other", as it cannot be classified.

I was baffled when I witnessed people doing the Tanganjika dance at a recent wedding. There I was seated amongst a group of peers, discussing the three main things men discuss - women, beer and …um…women. Suddenly, someone throws himself to the ground, and then another followed, and another….

I looked around nervously. Did that lion from Uncle Tjokondavirongo's hunting tales - in which he was always the hero - returned to finish us all? Surely something must have frightened these young adults, who are all adorned in their best Sunday suits. I watched in awe as they rolled on the ground, humping it like a dog possessed!

"Come on Charlie… come and 'Tanga' with us…" one of them said.

Now, to my untrained mind, 'Tanga' is the short form of the country now known as Tanzania. In fact, the word 'Tanga' paints me a picture of Plan fighters in the bush plotting for the independence of Namibia. At least, that is the history taught to me by Juffrou Platt in our grade 8 class.

"You want me to do what? Roll on the ground? By choice? In full view of my wife and kids? Hell no…" I responded.

You see, when people do such funny and awkward stuff, they often blame it on alcohol or the excessive intake of it. Ja, alcohol is their 'alibi' - they can always quote it to defend themselves against their fuming partners.

Now, I don't drink - so what the hell will I tell my wife? I mean, how do I explain humping the ground in front of the kids? You see, it is simple for you to say "just cook up anything, she will understand…", but you have no idea what a wife can do to a man once the visitors are gone!

That said, what in heaven's name will I tell the doctor the next Monday when he asks how exactly did I break three ribs. So, as far as this new form of dancing is concerned, kindly count me out. I prefer both my feet firmly on the ground.

Until then...

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