The law - the Hood's way

Forget about courts, traditional tribunals, the kgotla – law and order in the hood is maintained in a totally different form. Ja, the hood solves its problems through ‘jungle justice’. Here, there is only one rule – there are no rules. Of course, this kind of justice is relaxed or made tougher depending on the type of offence committed. For instance, the punishment for infidelity is not to be arraigned before a court of law or summoned with divorce. Ok, that is probably the last resort but more is done before that. Pictures of you leaving a house of your girlfriend will be taken and posted on every lamp post in town. Remember that picture which was circulating on Facebook of a ‘Madam on the run’, clothes in hand ete al? I am told that really did take place in the hood. If you thought people would chat jovially but freeze the moment you join the company, you are not imagining it. What, you thought you could do what you did and get away with? Not in the hood, my brother! Here people talk about everything. No, am not referring to talk of climate change, global warming, and the melting of the ice in the artic; I am referring to who bought a new car recently, who doesn’t support her ailing grandmother in Katutura’s Gemmengde, or who has been visiting Charlie’s Instant Cash Loan a lot of late. Ja, such talks usually enjoy a lot of audience. Kids will always be sent out to play – even at midnight every time Auntie Rikkie visits their mother, because they have important things to discuss. Their mother would stir on Aunt Rikkie with great interest “… en toe, kom nou vertel girlfriend (And then, come on spill the beans)…” After such conversation, the mother would call on the nearest available Auntie and narrate the whole tale in horrid details. Yeah, she will even do it in first person narration – “…toe se ek, moenie met my k***k soek nie. En toe slaan ek vir hom…toe se ek...(Then I said, don’t look for s****t with me. After that I slapped him…then I…) The interesting part is that same story will be told over and over again by different people, with each claiming the protagonist role. Where in heaven’s name did you think folklore and urban legends came from? The modality is pretty simple; substitute the characters, setting and twist the story line a bit and – voila! For instance, if the story talked of the San Fransisco Golden Gate Bridge, simply substitute it with Bagani bride! Watse Seun Frasiska goed! Eish, such is justice in the hood. My best friend Tjeripo was confronted by some guys the other day – four of them to be precise. They had in their company a young lady. One of them called Tjeripo and told him they have a girl for him. It was however obvious that the woman belonged to one of them, and Tjeripo did not want to cause trouble. “Ekse bra Tjerii, we have this beautiful chick for you. She likes you because you are kamma cool,” the dude said. Fearing for the worst, my friend politely declined the offer. “Thanks brother, but I am not interested,” he said. “What? Hey moegoe (coward), are you saying she is ugly? “No…no, my friend. Am just saying I am not really interested in her…for now. I mean, she is very beautiful and I …” “I see, now you are eyeing my girl? In front of me nogals? Vat jy my vir n’ moegoe (You taking me for a fool)? I had to intervene, and after quoting something out of Mark Twain’s ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer’, and how the Berlin wall was eventually brought down, they decided to let it go and Tjeripo lived to see another day. “Ja, learn from tom Sawyer moegoe and leave my girl alone, otherwise I will nail you to the Berlin wall,” one of them said as they walked away. The interesting part about jungle justice (no relation to jungle fever, Ebola and the sort), is that a decision will stand as long as it is sanctioned by the majority. For instance, if someone decides you are ugly and everyone agrees – you are indeed ugly brother! The mirror might be your only true friend in such case. Until then… [email protected]