Namibian names and their real meanings

Some parents should be crucified for the names they gave their children. Namibian parents are staunch supporters of keeping their legacy alive when they are no longer around – and it unfortunately extends to their names too. Trust me, I wouldn’t have had a problem if my mother or father had a cool name like Charlie, Charlie or just Charlie for a name (get the picture?). Those are names I would like to inherit anytime, of course with a few cows too but that is a conversation better left for another day. Instead, our parents force names like Godfried, Christaline and Charles on us simply because they enjoyed watching Charles Bronson on TV! That is not all; parents would often give both the name and surname of a famous person to their children. Believe me, I have met a few Percy Sledge Komomungondos, Neville Nash Hangeros and Jim Carter Kozonguizis in my lifetime, and even a Roger Daltrey K.... whose surname I shall keep secret to save him the embarrassment. Once these children grow into men and women, they do everything to change their names to another name of their choice. I would probably do the same too, if my name was ‘Engelhardine’, ‘Charseline’ or ‘Adolphine’. My brothers and sisters hailing from north of the Red Line didn’t have it better either. As the area was under heavy attack by colonial forces, parents there probably figured it was best to name their sons and daughters after memoirs of the war to keep their war experiences alive. It is here, dear friends, where names such as Bazooka Shikongo, Guerrilla Namene and Independence Elago are popular. I also know of twins named Aluta and Continua Shivute. When US President Barack Obama stepped into the Oval Office for his first term, my people from the North went on a naming spree, naming babies born around that time after the US President. In fact, I have been chosen as a godfather to a baby named ‘Baalaka Hobama Emvula’. But the cream of the crop belongs to my people in Namibia’s extreme North-East. Here, anything goes; just look at the baby once after birth and the first thing that comes to mind will be its name. That explains how names such as ‘Innocent’, ‘Kingson’, ‘Greenwell’, ‘Miracle’ and Godspower came about. The other day I stumbled upon a man named ‘Innocent’ in the Windhoek Prison and wondered what the hell he was doing there! Eish, our justice system! My best friend Tjeripo recently went on a date with a Kardashian Haipumbu. Whatever happened to originality? Is it a crime nowadays to have a truly unique name? When we were young, we had a dude named ‘Skropela’ who could dissect a human body with his knife in record time. The guy was notorious for being handy with a knife for purposes other than spreading butter on a slice of bread! No one dared ask him what the name meant, but it sure sounded cool. What is worse is taking on another person’s surname as your nickname. Look, if you are really into soccer – that game where 22 grown men chase after a ball, only to kick it forward again after reaching it and the chase starts over – you will most probably be pardoned for naming yourself Eric ‘Cantona’ Gurirab, Lionel ‘Giggs’ Shaanika, or Theofelus ‘Zidane’ Tjatindi. But if you are a Radio DJ, why the hell would you nickname yourself after a soccer star? Aren’t there enough DJs in the world to borrow a name from? Like that dude from Botswana who is a big fish in South Africa, DJ Aqua-Fresh or something like that? What about the one named Vetkoek? Go to Khorixas and ask if anybody has seen ‘Ou Scara’ - 25 people from various age groups would stand in front of you, all claiming to be ‘Ou Scara’ – and they would all be right! Either there was a deficiency of name choices in that part of the country, or the real ‘Ou Scara’ was a really big kahuna! Imagine being served by a big dude with a big scar on his face, whose name tag reads ‘criminal’ as a nickname! You think I would trust that man with my money or food? Aikona! If he does not spike my lady friend’s drinks with some date-rape drug, he would most probably hit the living hell out of me if I refuse to tip him! Until then… [email protected]