Movies evolution - from MacGyver to Steven Seagal

It’s a new year and new beginnings are all everyone seems to be talking about. Well, amongst the many New Year's resolutions that I have drawn up for myself, quitting the wordsmith profession is not one of them. So, as far as I am concerned, you are stuck with me for a while longer. Despite the many resolutions and changes one hopes to bring to life, one thing that will certainly need change is the international film industry. Gone are the days when you would cuddle up to a nice action movie and be kept on the edge of your seat till the very end. I mean, we all knew that MacGyver - our ingenious naturally talented engineer - would in the end always stop that bomb's timer and save the world, but the thrill provided by the build-up to it was something out of this world. We also knew that the big bully from prison would be no match for the flying kicks of Jean Claude van Damme, as he would in the end always be put in his place by our hero. On the other hand, we also knew that Steven Seagal had magic powers - he could fly through a hail of bullets and not get hit once! If he fired once from his pistol, the shot would hit three enemies at once. Such was the status quo, but we didn't care. We enjoyed those movies and turned them into the cult films they are now. I mean, who could really resist cuddling up to the Terminator series or a remake of Wrong Turn? The magic that kept us captivated is, however, no more to be seen or heard. It now appears as if movie directors are running out of ideas and simply throw lame storylines together to make weak plots. Okay, perhaps I need to put things in perspective by reviewing the big leagues in moviemaking. Hollywood Most movies in Hollywood are composed using flashbacks, premonitions or dreams. If they can't decide how to end the movie, they simply kill the hero, only to resurrect him later in the same movie. We will then be made to believe that the man actually faked his own death in order to liberate himself from a nagging wife, aggressive boss or something like that! Nollywood Drama, drama, drama! That's what makes the Nigerian movie industry. In the first scene of ‘Sleeping With My Married Sister's Husband’, the viewer is rudely introduced to the romantic scene. Later, drama unfolds as the two sisters take on each other - with screaming and other abusive language being the order of the day. With these movies, one has to have your remote control at hand - one scene (where mourning and fighting are both prevalent) would be recorded at high volume, while the next (a conversation during a wide shot) would be almost impossible to follow because of the faint dialogue. Chinese The Chinese take the cake for the worst movies hands down! Their fighting sequences and stunts may be unique and well-rehearsed, but the storylines let them down. Meet Chi Cho Hu and Wa Wi Wang - two brothers separated at birth. Each one now runs his own Kung-fu school where they each teach their unique fighting style. The first brother is an expert of the 'Crawling Snake', while the other brother does the 'Weeping Tortoise' better than anyone else. The stage is set for a final showdown, when a student from the first brother's school gets into a fight with a student from another school. The fight takes place on top of tree branches, speeding cars, underwater and also in mid-air. Amazing stuff - if they had not been fighting to settle a century-old family feud! The above are of course not the only film industries with flaws. Take the Namibian movie industry for instance - and the picture is an even more appalling one. Some time ago, they had an election video promo running on national television urging people to vote. The promo opens with a man - who we are made to believe is blind - manning his desk at work. The next shot is of a colleague of the 'blind man' reminding him that it is time to vote. The blind man first glances at his watch before taking his walking stick and making his way out of the office. A blind man looking at a watch! Eish! I guess this is where we part ways, before you guys accuse me of overwriting this column. Until then. [email protected]