Kelly gets slut-shamed

Singer Kelly Khumalo has experienced what one can imagine being one of the most traumatic experiences ever. She watched gunmen shooting and killing the man she loved and the father of her child. One would assume that she would be showered with sympathy and that it would be human nature to share in her pain. Instead, she has become the poster child of immoral behaviour because Senzo was married and others went as far as using her past troubled relationships to justify why she should be cast into darkness and treated like trash. The ruthless attacks on Kelly Khumalo have brought to the fore the judgemental and often oppressive set of rules we have for women, and not for men. Senzo has been hailed not just as a sport star, but as a role model. Kelly has been called a home-wrecker, among many other trashy names. Her decision to continue dating a man whom she knew to be married is treated like the highest transgression. Senzo’s decision to leave his marital home to be with Kelly has become acceptable while his conscious decision to father a child with the R&B singer seems to also be acceptable. “Senzo was a man; as a woman, Kelly should have said no to him when she found out he was married. It was her responsibility,” were some of comments on social media. But the trend of blaming the “other woman” has become a trend in almost all situations. A while back a tape of Janay Palmer’s husband Ray Rice punching her was leaked. She was unconscious, being dragged out of an elevator by her man who seemed to not be fazed by what he had done. In the days that followed, Janay was accused of having spat on Ray with some saying: “She was all up in his face, what was he supposed to do?” She was shamed and ridiculed for having married him after the incident. Since Senzo’s death, the conversations have been about Kelly’s low self-esteem for dating a married man, her inability to find her own man and her apparent raunchy ways. Sadly, these attacks are sexist too. Sexists generally base their views on traditional stereotypes of gender roles. Women remain the major victims of sexism, therefore it seems to be okay for a married man to pursue another woman, and absolutely distasteful for a woman to do the same or even accept the advances of a married man. These sentiments were probably best said by South African radio presenter Criselda Kananda. “It was his choice to be with Kelly. Why is it always that a woman has to be sacrificed when a man cheats?” We know the attacks on Kelly won’t end soon, still, we think Malaika’s Tshedi Mholo offered some of the best advice when she said: “We do not choose who we fall in love with. I mean no disrespect to his wife and family, but people should put themselves in Kelly’s shoes.” WINDHOEK GORDON JOSEPH