Jokes

Zulu on my plane A pilot finds out that the plane is too heavy to land and he decided to throw the luggage out. After doing that, the plane was still too heavy and he decided to throw out the passengers in alphabetical order out. He asked, any Africans? no one answered, any Argentineans? no one answered, any Americans? still no one answered. A boy next to his father asked: Pa, what are we? The father answered: Zulu! Shortest dad Three aliens, Joe, Dan and Sam were arguing about whose dad is the shortest. My dad is so short he can walk upright under a table, said Joe. Well, my dad is shorter, because he can walk upright under a chair, said Dan. Suddenly Sam started crying loudly and amid tears and sniffs he uttered: My poor dad is in hospital, because he fell off a ladder while picking strawberries yesterday and broke his leg. Crazy plan A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby brooch and a gold Rolex watch. But you are not wearing any of those things, he replied. I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery. It's hubby A man calls 911 and the receptionist picks up. Hello, how may I help you? The man replied: My wife is going into labour, I need an ambulance quickly! Is it her first child? asked the receptionist. No woman. It's her husband. Udder bug A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder. Chickens on the loose The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighbourhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. Pa, the chickens got loose, the boy confessed sadly, but I managed to find all 12 of them. Well, you did real good, son, the farmer beamed. We only had seven to start with.