I am a Facebook millionaire

A couple of years ago, I was tempted into joining Facebook after being told that the current information highway literally runs through this social networking site, and, as a journalist, I felt obliged to join the highway at the earliest on-ramp. I, however, knew that if I were to be my real self on this social networking platform, no-one would even look at my profile twice, so I adopted a new image and personality. Yeah, I changed my screen name from the boring ‘Charles Vanguaa Tjatindi’ to ‘Charlie, the Magician’. The tagline on my profile now reads “Ladies, let the nation’s best magician turn your dreams into reality”. Eish, I didn’t know there were so many women bored with their lives - I got requests from all corners of Namibia, the Canary Island and Bosnia Herzegovina. By the way, where in the world is Guyana? Nevertheless, I enjoyed the attention I got every time I updated my status with a lame line like ‘Rome was not built in a day’. My lady friends would jump on the commenting bandwagon, with outrageous comments that explain why libraries are mostly empty in Epako and Katutura. Someone would write “… I know honey, hang in there and you will make it”, or “What seems to be the problem?” – in response to my status update. Another would remark “Bra, what happened to that chick you were with last night, please inbox me.” Only on Facebook do I get to drive a BMW X9 (yeah, it’s on the market, and I am the only Namibian owning one!), sip on expensive wine and have a bottle of Evian mineral water by my side all the time. Since no one really knows me, I get to be philosophical in my comments and ‘always there to lend a helping ear’ to some lady in distress. Oh yeah, I even overheard someone saying “that Charlie from Facebook is so romantic!” Meet me in public and I will embarrassingly ignore you - I do not know you! That is because you are not supposed to find out what I have been keeping away from the Facebook screens – that I hold a menial job, have no friends and have never heard of caviar or shrimps! You see, on Facebook, I am ‘Charlie’, in real life I am ‘Charlie’ – see the difference? So, never confuse one with the other – the difference is glaringly clear! As in a major Mel Gibson blockbuster where you could swear you saw Mel Gibson’s victim immediately get up and run off-camera after being ‘shot dead’; the Facebook however also has its own share of unintentional hilarious moments. For instance, I know of dudes that hate my guts in real life, but would have me under their best buddies group on FB. Perhaps this is what they mean by keeping your friends near and your enemies even nearer! Worst of all, one would have non-performing friends that have sadly become part of the Facebook furniture. Even if such friends come online, all they will type is a “Hi”, to which you would reply “Hey, dude. What’s happening? It’s been long since I heard from you. Are you alive?” To the whiskers of Da Vinci’s cat, the brother would answer with a dry ‘Yes’. Eish, it is painful see a dude going on Facebook to wish his mother a happy birthday. I mean, dude, just go over to her room - it is right next to yours and wish her in person! Sorry, but we all know by now that you are almost off the calendar and still live with ‘mummy’. We also know that in real life, you do not even know when your mom’s birthday is! It’s an open secret. Then there are the numerous groups to join ranging from “Let’s pray for Michael Jackson’s soul to go to heaven”, to “Namibians who are against the emancipation of global warming, deforestation and chocolate lovers!” to which one gets invited regularly. People would ‘like’ almost anything you utter on Facebook by clicking on the ‘Like’ bar – even when you announce the death of a loved one! That is why my new screen name will be ‘Nobody’; so every time I ‘like’ a friend’s status, it reads “Nobody likes this”! Until then … tjatindi@gmail.com

I am a Facebook millionaire

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Namibian Sun 2025-06-09

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I am a Facebook millionaire

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Namibian Sun 2025-06-09

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