Auntie Nangy

He forced me to have sex
Dear Auntie Nangy
I went with a guy to his place over the holidays and he forced me to have sex with him without using a condom. I have since gotten my period. Is it possible for me to be pregnant?

No angel, the fact that you got your period proves that you are not pregnant. What is of great concern to me is the fact that this man forced you to have sex. That is rape and is probably the worst invasion of a woman's privacy, dignity and humanity and should never be allowed! Rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. A rapist uses actual force or violence - or the threat of it - to take control over another human being's body. Rape is a crime, whether the person committing it is a stranger, a date, an acquaintance or a family member. No matter how it happened, rape is frightening and traumatising. People who have been raped need care, comfort and have to find a way to heal. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. No one has the right to have sex with you against your will. The blame for a rape lies solely with the rapist. Sweetheart, you should report the crime to the police. Reporting a rape may help protect others from that person and may help you feel a little less like you were a victim. But informing the police may be difficult for some people. If you don't feel comfortable reporting it, you may prefer to get advice about what to do. I urge you to contact Lifeline/Childline as they are qualified to help you. Do whatever helps you to feel safe and heal without blaming yourself.

Sex doesn't feel good
Dear Auntie Nangy
I'm dating a guy that I love, but when we have sex I don't feel pleasure. Is there something wrong with me? I need your advice.

When you have problems with sex, doctors call it sexual dysfunction and both men and women can have it. Many things can cause problems in your sex life such as certain medicines, diseases, excessive alcohol use or vaginal infections. Depression, relationship problems or abuse can also cause sexual dysfunction. The stresses of everyday life can also affect your ability to have sex. Being tired from a busy job or caring for young children may affect your sexual desire or you may also be bored by a long-standing sexual routine. If desire is the problem, try changing your usual routine by having sex at different times of the day or try a different sexual position. Arousal disorders can often be helped if you use a vaginal cream or sexual lubricant for dryness.
If you have a problem having an orgasm, you may not be getting enough foreplay or stimulation before actual intercourse begins. You may need rubbing or stimulation for up to an hour before having sex. Masturbation may also be helpful; as it can help you learn what techniques work best for you. Talk to your partner about what each of you like and dislike, or what you may want to try. Ask for your partner's help. Remember that your partner may not want to do some things you want to try and you may not want to try what your partner wants. You should respect each other's comforts and discomforts.

I want to have an abortion
Dear Auntie Nangy
I have a big problem auntie. I am a few weeks pregnant and the father is now saying it's not his baby, although he is the only one I slept with. I am a 20-year-old student. I want to have an abortion. What must I do?

Angel, my heart bleeds for you, but abortions are illegal in Namibia and you should never, ever go to any person that say they can give you any kind of medicine that will help you an abortion. I know that you feel as if everything is against you and that you are in a black hole with no light, but believe me that you always have options. Angel I urge you to contact Lifeline/Childline as the counsellors will be able to help you. Take care of yourself, you are worth it.

He wants role play during sex
Dear Auntie Nangy
My partner and I have been together for five years. We have a happy relationship, but recently he has brought up the issue of dressing up and playing roles during sex. What must I do auntie?

Sexual role-play is where couples act out roles in a sexual fantasy. How seriously this is taken depends on the people involved. The scenario may be anywhere from simple to detailed and elaborate - complete with costumes and a script. Nearly any role could become the base material for an erotic experience and there is no limit to what objects an individual could consider sexual. It may just open up new experiences for couples who feel they are in a rut as far as sex is concerned. Age-play is a form of role-playing in which an individual acts or treats their partner as if they are a different age. Gender-play is where one or more players take on roles of the opposite sex. Goddess worship is where a woman is seen as a deity. Uniform fetish is where one participant dresses in a uniform, for instance as a student or French maid, while the dominant participant plays an authority figure like a teacher, coach or police officer. Whether you're an expert at swinging from the ceiling vines or a nervous newcomer to the idea of dressing up and getting down, fantasy sexual role-play opens a new world of sexual possibilities. So if both of you feel comfortable with it, go for it.