Auntie Nangy

My heart can't forget
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I am a guy of 25. I have a problem. I was dating a 20-year-old girl, but she broke up with me. The problem is that I really love her. I want her to come back. I'm trying to forget her, but my heart doesn't want to. Please help, auntie.

My dear boy, I have had her heart broken many times. Fortunately with age comes wisdom, which I gladly share with you. You don't want to hear this but you really have to move on. It is not easy, I know. Sometimes it feels as if you are never going to be happy again. But life is there for living, not hiding from it because you believe that only that one 'special' person can make it perfect. In a way you are right. There is only one person that makes life perfect, but that person is you and only you. Save a special place in your heart for this lady, remember the good times and move on. Be happy that you have experienced that crazy, wonderful thing called love. You cannot force anyone to love you or to be in a relationship with you. This is one of the hard facts of life. But I truly believe that there is someone for everyone. You will meet that someone when the time is right and when you have learnt that you cannot rely on another person to feel 'whole'. Get out there and make an effort to meet as many other wonderful girls as you can. Not all of them may be the potential 'right' one but you will end up with many new friends that will broaden your horizon. And who knows, one of them might introduce you to that special someone when you least expect to meet her. Let me know when that happens.

I want my kids
Dear Auntie Nangy,
Please help me. My girlfriend of more than 10 years who is also the mother of our two children, has cheated on me with four different men. We've separated, but she doesn't want to give me the kids. Is that fair, auntie? She stays in an area where there are a lot of shebeens, which is not good for the kids who are 3 and 8. What can I do, auntie? I want my kids to grow up in a good environment and ensure a good future for them.

Auntie first wants to thank you from the bottom of my old heart for being such a caring and loving father. So many men these days are not in the least concerned about their children's welfare. They should not even dare call themselves fathers or even men. But you are a real man and deserve the right to play a very important part in your children's lives. Unfortunately there is not much you can do in the legal sense, unless you can prove that your ex-girlfriend is seriously neglecting the children. The fact that she is a heartless woman who cheated on you will not be considered as neglect. My heart really bleeds for you for there are not many things that hurt as much as not being able to be with your children. The best advice I can give, is to keep on being the better person. Do not argue or pick a fight with your ex or badmouth her in any way, especially not in front of the children.
Rather try and talk to her in a civilised way. Explain to her how much you care about the children and that it is not good for them to be separated from their father. Kind words get one a lot further than hurtful ones.

In love with my sister-in-law
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I am in love with my wife's sister. What should I do?

I think you should take a long and hard look at yourself in the mirror and then treat your wife to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town. Marriage is sacred. Don't play with fire.

I want more than one wife
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I can't understand how a man can be happily married to only one woman for the rest of his life. My wife is pretty and a good person. She takes very good care of me and the children, but I am bored. I want to marry another woman, or even more.

In this country it is illegal to be officially married to more than one woman. If you do that, you will end up behind bars, Either get your act together and thank your lucky stars for a wonderful wife like yours, or move to a country where polygamy is recognised.

I am too shy
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I am 26 and have never had a girlfriend. The problem is that I am very shy and that I don't know how to talk to girls. There is a very kind and pretty girl at work. I really like her. It doesn't seem as if she has a boyfriend. I want to ask her out, but I don't have the courage. Please give me advice.

You first need to learn some techniques to help you overcome this condition. Remember that confidence can be learnt. Even if you spent most of your life as a shy, insecure boy, you don't need to remain this way forever. Start taking small steps to improve your confidence and self-esteem and remain determined to overcome your shyness with women. Focus on your positive attributes, rather than the ones you wish you were never born with. Over time, you will begin to improve your self-confidence. Good luck!