Stop asking what she was doing there

In South Africa, the discovery of multiple women’s bodies in and around Ekurhuleni has once again forced the country to confront the horrifying reality of gender-based violence.

Police have now confirmed the discovery of nine women’s bodies in the area, with investigations underway.

Officers said the young woman appeared to be in the same age range as the other bodies, but stopped short of saying there was ​a definite link.

But amid the shock, anger and grief, there is another disturbing pattern that refuses to die, the interrogation of the woman. Why was she out so late? Why was she walking alone? Why did she go there? Why was she wearing that? Why did she drink? Why did she get into that car?

Why did she trust him? Somehow, when a woman is raped, assaulted, kidnapped or murdered, we immediately begin searching for the decision she made that supposedly put her in danger.

But where is that same interrogation of the person who actually committed the violence? We rarely ask, Why did he rape her? Why did he follow her? Why did he attack her? Why did he believe he had the right to put his hands on her? Why did he think her life was disposable?

There is an uncomfortable truth we need to confront: a woman’s clothing does not rape her. A late night does not murder her. Alcohol does not assault her. Walking alone does not kill her. A man does. And this distinction matters.

Because when we constantly tell women that their safety depends on how they dress, where they go and what time they come home, we quietly shift responsibility away from those who commit violence. We teach girls to carry keys between their fingers, share their locations, avoid dark streets, watch their drinks and never trust strangers. Those precautions may save lives. But they cannot become a substitute for teaching men not to violate women. A woman should be allowed to come home at 2am without that becoming an invitation for violence.

She should be allowed to wear a short skirt without consenting to anyone touching her. She should be allowed to drink without surrendering her right to bodily autonomy. She should be allowed to trust someone without that trust becoming a weapon against her. And she should certainly be allowed to exist without constantly calculating how to avoid becoming someone's next victim.

The question we keep asking is, “What could she have done differently?” Perhaps we should finally ask, “What are we doing differently?”

Because women have already changed their behaviour. They travel in groups. They share live locations. They call friends when they arrive. They carry pepper spray. They avoid certain streets. They lie about where they are going. They learn self-defence. Yet women are still being raped, assaulted and killed.

So perhaps the problem was never that women were not careful enough. Perhaps the problem is that society has spent too much time teaching women how not to be victims and not enough time teaching men that women are not theirs to control, use or destroy.

The women whose bodies have been found in South Africa were not merely “women who made bad choices". They were daughters. Sisters. Mothers. Friends. Colleagues. Human beings with plans, fears, ambitions and people waiting for them to come home. Their deaths should not become another opportunity to tell women how they should behave.

They should become another reason to demand that perpetrators are found, prosecuted and held accountable. Because the burden of preventing violence should not rest entirely on those most likely to suffer it.

Stop asking what she did to invite violence. Start asking why someone thought violence against her was acceptable.

*In an update on the unfolding investigation, Reuters late last week reported that South African police said they found a ninth woman's body near Johannesburg on Thursday as they investigated a series ​of killings in the same area over the last ‌two months).

**Desmarius Hansen is a journalist at Network Media Hub.