Ozonḓu chronicles: Guys, the big one hurts!

Can we please have an honest conversation…

Because social media and society in general have been lying to people, and it’s everywhere – it’s in every other conversation at a chill spot, every podcast, every comment section is busy convincing everyone that bigger is automatically better.

Eish.

Some of us are not applying for a construction tender.

Some of us just want to enjoy the experience. I don’t want to be a good girl cause I can take it all in… No, I can't, and it’s fine.

Listen, if I arrive at your place and what I’m seeing is a third arm that looks like it should have its own ID number and voting rights, I’m already calculating my escape route.

You’ll just see me leaving the apartment at Olympic speed, dress halfway on, underwear tucked into my handbag, shouting: “Sorry, I forgot I left the stove on!”

Because what exactly are we planning to do with all that equipment?

I know society wants women to act impressed. We must gasp dramatically and faint into the nearest chair.

Meanwhile, some of us are looking at the situation like a health and safety hazard.

No, thank you.

Before the men start writing think pieces, let me be clear: this is not an attack. This is simply a public service announcement on behalf of the Small Appreciation Society.

Because contrary to popular belief, not every woman is looking for a big D!ck.

Some of us are looking for a comfortable experience.

An enjoyable experience.

An experience where nobody has to contact emergency services afterwards.

And honestly, women are not a hive mind. We don’t all like the same things. Some prefer tall men. Some like short kings. Some like beards. Some like clean-shaven faces.

And yes, some of us prefer smaller packages.

For me personally, I would like an average package, with an owner who carries big d!ck energy because sex is more than just the mechanism of the bedroom, it’s also everything surrounding it.

Society has convinced people there’s only one standard of attractiveness, one standard of masculinity, one standard of everything.

But real life is different.

Real life has variety.

Real life has options.

And real life has women like me saying, “My brother, that’s wonderful for somebody else, but I am not the chosen one.”

So if you’ve been stressing because social media and society told you bigger is always better, relax.

The same way some people order extra hot chilli and others ask for mild, human beings simply have different tastes.

As for me?

I’m choosing comfort.

I like my relationships the way I like my shoes: fitting properly and not causing unnecessary pain.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.