The tug-of-war between children and parents

Tunohole Mungoba

Raise your hand if your guardian or parent ever sounded like a broken record and always complain or repeat the same issues over and over again. At times our parents make it seem like we've had it easy. Our guardians make it seem like our life is not full of obstacles and challenges. It's either we spend too much time watching TV or we are always on social media. Am I supposed to be angry at Zuckerberg for Facebook or what?

Some have valid reasons but not all of them. I wonder whether some parents were ever teenagers because most of them do not understand what their kids go through. And many of those who know what their kids go through do not know how to communicate with their children. Regularly you will hear parents complain about “when I was young there was no Facebook and TV and we played outside”.

We come from different generations and different backgrounds compared to our parents and caretakers. Our experiences and environments are completely different. Cassette tapes and dinosaurs were considered cool during our parents' upbringing but we cannot say the same about our times. If you mentioned “Twitter” during the times that our parents were growing up, they would most likely think that the word is an insult.

Perhaps it's human nature for each generation to inevitably find fault with the next. Culturally and socially, teens are still consumed by many of the same interests our parents also had such as dating, sports and movies. Unfortunately, we still face many of the same social problems, including substance and alcohol abuse, unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Compared to parents born a generation ago, our parents probably have a greater understanding of the obstacles confronting us than we would like to believe.

While today's moms and dads will not agree with everything that teens do in the name of “expressing their individuality”, possibly they are more inclined to accept our desire to do the things we do. The common ground you share is a great place to establish and nurture communication, closeness, and trust with our parents.

Probably the most significant difference between being a teenager today versus our parents' time is the diminished presence of family in many teenagers' lives. Many kids today are raised by single parents. Many adolescents spend their afternoons unsupervised, with no adult at home to greet them or ask them how their day at school was. Maybe that is what drives this generation of teenagers to social media and drugs which contribute to the bad behaviour our parents do not approve of.

Generally, our generation does not trust our parents because we feel they do not get what we are going through and maybe that is where the problem is with us “children”. We just assume our parents do not understand the kind of life we live. Technology has become an outlet to vent and share our thoughts, just as diaries and letters were used by our parents.

Our parents sat by the campfire and listened to stories from their elders and today we sit in front of our phones and laptops watching series.

Parents need to be a lot less critical and judgemental and need to listen to our generation. The young ones need to be more open with our issues especially to our parents. I think the first small task is to start seeing them as “people” rather than parents, maybe then will we build bridges necessary for all of us to understand one another. Communication between us and them imperative. Grumble if you must. Let some steam off if you need to, but remember that every choice has a consequence, and if you carry on to make the choice to constantly complain about your children, it might make them choose to turn around and walk away from you. We all need to work towards sustaining healthy and loving relationships between different generations.

[email protected]