Pushing the boundaries
Tunohole Mungoba
For many young African people there are a number subjects considered a taboo to talk about especially with parents or elderly people. Some of these subjects include sex education, taking a gap year and allowing children to pursue their own choice of field of studies and career paths.
Without despising societal or cultural norms and values, I will attempt to share with you why I feel it is important for parents to teach young people about sex education in a way that not only breaks cultural boundaries but also educates young people. It is high time parents start getting comfortable to have such discussions with their children.
I sincerely believe there are good reasons why parents are reluctant to teach their children about sex. I believe some of the reasons parents frown at talking about sex education with their children include the prevention of premarital sex and unwanted pregnancies as well as maintaining the family's reputation. Many parents also fear that presenting basic information is the same as giving young people permission to be promiscuous. Knowledge they say is power and this knowledge becomes power when it is imparted and shared with adolescents who may not be able to differentiate between irrational decisions and well-informed ones.
Despite the valid reasons that parents use as an excuse not to engage in discussions about sex with their children, I personally believe sex education should start at home. Parents should engage their children as active participants as they mature or as they develop into adulthood. This kind of education should continue in school in a way that preserves the cultural norms while embracing the dynamism in culture. It is not a good thing that many parents leave all the responsibility to teachers. Sex education provides young people with information they need to understand their bodies and gender roles in positive ways so young people must have the knowledge power about sex.
I am not saying all parents are the same but there is always the avoidance reaction, “go and ask your mother or father” or “we will tell you when you are old enough to understand”. As difficult as it may sound, you could sit down with your child and have that frank talk. The same goes for children. It may feel uncomfortable to talk to your parents about sex but you owe it to yourself. I think it is important that children open up to their parents. One thing worth mentioning is that parents should recognise that before they can communicate freely with their children they must be able to talk freely with each other as couples.
As young people, it is also imperative that we do not entirely shift the blame on our parents for not having these types of conversations with us. It is also our responsibility that we confront them and get all the information we need not just about sex education, but also other subjects that we struggle to talk about with our parents because these issues affect us later in our lives.
Another subject that is not necessarily avoided but I feel young people are not always allowed to do is to make their own decisions regarding career choices. It seems as if a lot of parents still decide for their children what career paths they should follow. There is no harm in giving guidance but deciding for them is not fair. People who do courses that were forced down their throats by parents end up unhappy professionals because they will spend the rest of their lives doing something that they do not like or something that they are not passionate about. I know sometimes young people opt for easy courses but in most cases, they would be what they are really passionate about. So, instead of discouraging them just support them and avoid trying to live your dreams through your kids. I urge parents, especially African parents, to listen to their kids and be there to support them.
As stated earlier, young people should not just blame their parents but also understand that it is also their responsibility to make sure that parents listen to them. Avoid blaming parents for everything that does not work out and start engaging with them in discussions considered sacred and inappropriate to discuss with elders. Respect is all the young people need to break the barriers while at same time preserving cultural values and remaining relevant to present day societal realities.
[email protected]
For many young African people there are a number subjects considered a taboo to talk about especially with parents or elderly people. Some of these subjects include sex education, taking a gap year and allowing children to pursue their own choice of field of studies and career paths.
Without despising societal or cultural norms and values, I will attempt to share with you why I feel it is important for parents to teach young people about sex education in a way that not only breaks cultural boundaries but also educates young people. It is high time parents start getting comfortable to have such discussions with their children.
I sincerely believe there are good reasons why parents are reluctant to teach their children about sex. I believe some of the reasons parents frown at talking about sex education with their children include the prevention of premarital sex and unwanted pregnancies as well as maintaining the family's reputation. Many parents also fear that presenting basic information is the same as giving young people permission to be promiscuous. Knowledge they say is power and this knowledge becomes power when it is imparted and shared with adolescents who may not be able to differentiate between irrational decisions and well-informed ones.
Despite the valid reasons that parents use as an excuse not to engage in discussions about sex with their children, I personally believe sex education should start at home. Parents should engage their children as active participants as they mature or as they develop into adulthood. This kind of education should continue in school in a way that preserves the cultural norms while embracing the dynamism in culture. It is not a good thing that many parents leave all the responsibility to teachers. Sex education provides young people with information they need to understand their bodies and gender roles in positive ways so young people must have the knowledge power about sex.
I am not saying all parents are the same but there is always the avoidance reaction, “go and ask your mother or father” or “we will tell you when you are old enough to understand”. As difficult as it may sound, you could sit down with your child and have that frank talk. The same goes for children. It may feel uncomfortable to talk to your parents about sex but you owe it to yourself. I think it is important that children open up to their parents. One thing worth mentioning is that parents should recognise that before they can communicate freely with their children they must be able to talk freely with each other as couples.
As young people, it is also imperative that we do not entirely shift the blame on our parents for not having these types of conversations with us. It is also our responsibility that we confront them and get all the information we need not just about sex education, but also other subjects that we struggle to talk about with our parents because these issues affect us later in our lives.
Another subject that is not necessarily avoided but I feel young people are not always allowed to do is to make their own decisions regarding career choices. It seems as if a lot of parents still decide for their children what career paths they should follow. There is no harm in giving guidance but deciding for them is not fair. People who do courses that were forced down their throats by parents end up unhappy professionals because they will spend the rest of their lives doing something that they do not like or something that they are not passionate about. I know sometimes young people opt for easy courses but in most cases, they would be what they are really passionate about. So, instead of discouraging them just support them and avoid trying to live your dreams through your kids. I urge parents, especially African parents, to listen to their kids and be there to support them.
As stated earlier, young people should not just blame their parents but also understand that it is also their responsibility to make sure that parents listen to them. Avoid blaming parents for everything that does not work out and start engaging with them in discussions considered sacred and inappropriate to discuss with elders. Respect is all the young people need to break the barriers while at same time preserving cultural values and remaining relevant to present day societal realities.
[email protected]
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