Namibians have their own compass

17 February 2017 | Columns

If you follow directions to a certain place given to you by a Namibian, chances are you will end up somewhere between Timbuktu and Lake Tanganyika – when all you wanted was directions to get to Otjiwarongo from the Okahandja parking lot in Swakopmund!

I tell you, its like we have our own compass - one which never points to the True North!

Imagine landing at a remote village along the equator only to be greeted by some strange fellows dressed only in their birth suit, jumping up and down and speaking in a language similar to that used during medieval times!

Let’s say you decided to sneak away for the weekend with your better half to the wilderness where no one will recognise you. Halfway there you discover that you are on the wrong route, so you stop to ask for directions.

At the nearest service station you ask the young fella there for directions to Kamanjab.

“Kamanjab is not so far etse… ju yust drive this way and you will find a big mountain next to the road. The mountain is round and made up of rocks, you won’t miss it. So when you arrive at that mountain….ignore it and keep going up…”

A person standing next to your ‘tour guide’ would intervene and offer to direct you himself. Taking a stick and drawing large lines, probably a map of the area, he would attempt to direct you to your promise land.

“You see, you are here now. This is where you are. Just turn around – but not a whole turn, just a little turn to the right and go down that direction until you reach three big trees. From there just go and go and go…when you get tired, that is where Kamanjab is!”

My people from Omaheke are no worse. A typical direction would start off with “…do you know where Mr. Katjimune stays? The road passes right next to his house”

If you answer in the negative to the question, the informant will continue “…what about Mr. Tjatindi’s house? Surely you must know that one…”

He keeps on asking you of the different residences, and by the fifth try he gives up and deems you a failure. “You are useless….how come you do not know all these people? How on earth am I supposed to help you then?”

What is worse is when a passenger in a taxi attempts to direct a taxi to her destination. Mind you, my best friend Tjeripo was in a similar situation recently. The jack-of-all-trades as we know him tried his hand at driving a taxi for his friend.

A passenger in his car gave him the following directions “…you see that big lamp post…it is not there, just keep going…”

As they eventually approached her destination after a lot of dead-end turns, the passenger said: “Ok Mr. Shelipo, you can start stopping now…”

My good friend stopped the car, much to the dissatisfaction of the passenger.

“Why did you stop here? You taxi guys always want to lop the people. I will sue you and the taxi owner!

“But you said I must stop,” Tjeripo protested.

“You foolish boy…I said start stopping – not stop. You do not listen good you people.”

She probably meant ‘slow down’, but that is Namibia for you!

Yeah, those are my people from the hood – always full of drama.

Ever dialled a wrong number at 02:00 and it ends up in a house of a man from the hood?

When he eventually picks up the phone, he will give you an earful as to what time of the night it is, and whether you are out of your mind calling his house that time.

“I am sorry sir, I was looking for Charlie…”

“Dude, there is no God-damn Charlie staying here and I do not care if he is the King of England…this is my private time. Don’t call here again…”

But the situation is different when you call a man in the suburbs.

“I am sorry but is this the residence of Charlie?”

“I am afraid you have a wrong number sir…,” comes the voice on the other end.

“Ok…sorry to bother you, good night.”

“Noooo problem. Look it up in the directory and call again if you don’t find it hey.”

Until then…

[email protected]

Similar News

 

I am a wealthy man - my own way

5 days ago - 15 September 2017 | Columns

If you ever thought Africa had a deficit of acting talent – think again! The ‘black’ African soil has surely produced some of the world’s...

Have faith in your art

5 days ago - 15 September 2017 | Columns

The music industry is very spontaneous. The whole system and its foundations are based on popularity and what is hot at the moment. Music lovers...

Auntie Nangy

5 days ago - 15 September 2017 | Columns

My wife doesn't turn me on Dear Auntie Nangy, I'm 45 years old and I'm married but I'm in love with another woman. The...

Shot of the day

1 week ago - 11 September 2017 | Columns

MASSES FOR MOHAMMED: An aerial view shows Muslim pilgrims gathering on Mount Arafat, also known as Jabal al-Rahma (Mount of Mercy), southeast of the Saudi...

Government must do its share

1 week ago - 11 September 2017 | Columns

That Namibia is a developing country is a fact – we all know it and we are all aware of the challenges our country faces....

Who should lead Swapo?

1 week ago - 08 September 2017 | Columns

With a little over two months left before the much-anticipated Swapo elective congress, the ruling party is yet to declare the campaign window open. There...

Namibians queue up for everything!

1 week ago - 08 September 2017 | Columns

I just don’t get why Namibians prefer queuing up for almost anything under the sun. Okay, let me rephrase that – why are we made...

Auntie Nangy

1 week ago - 08 September 2017 | Columns

What is the problem?Dear Auntie Nangy, I have problem when I release my sperm… it is very slow. They don’t shoot far. What is the...

The land of false hopes

1 week ago - 07 September 2017 | Columns

Government's decision to once again postpone the second national land conference exposes the nation's lack of preparedness in dealing with critical issues like land reform....

Use social media wisely

2 weeks ago - 05 September 2017 | Columns

Social media is an integral part of any young person's life. For many, it is a way to connect with others and make new friends,...

Latest News

Namibian Sun turns 10

7 hours ago | History

We are proud to announce that your favourite newspaper, Namibian Sun, has reached an important milestone and is celebrating ten years of existence today. ...

MTC is sorry, free data...

7 hours ago | Technology

Namibia's telecommunications giant MTC hopes that a public apology and declaration of love for their 2.4 million customers, in addition to 300 megabytes of free...

'Teachers are overworked'

7 hours ago | Labour

The Teachers' Union of Namibia (TUN) has accused the government of deliberately overburdening teachers in order to save money while high-ranking officials are living in...

Topnaars fear donkey theft

7 hours ago | Agriculture

The Topnaar community living along the Kuiseb River in the Erongo Region is concerned that proposed donkey abattoirs could lead to an increase in donkey...

Govt explains UN vote

7 hours ago | International

The government has reiterated its commitment to the cause of human rights and ending suffering, and that it must be done through recognised bodies such...

Car crashes kill over 500...

7 hours ago | Accidents

More than 500 people have died in car accidents since January, according to the Motor Vehicle Accident (MVA) Fund.With three months to go until the...

Stepfather arrested on rape charge

7 hours ago | Crime

The Omusati police have arrested a 59-year-old man from Okalongo who is accused of having slept with his 17-year-old stepdaughter.Namibian Sun on Monday reported that...

Ex-manager pleads not guilty

7 hours ago | Crime

The State yesterday put charges to the former marketing manager of MultiChoice Namibia and she promptly denied that she had defrauded the company of more...

N$70k cash stolen from Ya...

7 hours ago | Crime

The wife of former Robben Island prisoner and icon of the Namibian national liberation struggle, Andimba Toivo Ya Toivo, has fallen victim to theft after...

Load More