'Let's just be friends'

In honour of all my brothers, who after hard and endless toil have to settle for being ‘just friends’ with the ladies of their dreams, I felt I should let our opposite equals know of the suffering they subject us to.

Dear sisters, when you allow a man to get closer to you, we expect a photo finish - not a dubious penalty decision against us in injury time! To a man, a woman that opens up and starts revealing hidden family secrets or sheds light on her last break-up, is usually a sign of interest. In a man’s vocabulary, such actions shout, “Get closer, you are doing well so far.”

Sisters, a man does not pull out all the stops in an effort that you notice him just to be diplomatically shown the door, as in “let’s just be friends”. You mean after taking his boss’s BMW X6, which he was supposed to park at the back, for a spin at Herero Mall to impress you; that’s how you pay him back?

Guys would stop at no point to get the attention of the lady of their dreams, not even when it involves buying her and her entire office friends Nando’s every day. It is a long and winding road to a girl’s heart, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right?

First he has to get the approval of his friends before setting his ‘dream’ in motion. He would mention you during a conversation with his buddies, like: “Oh, that woman. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is.” If his friends reply with, “Are you kidding me, that woman is the bomb”, then he will know he is on the right path.

After that, he would ascertain his mother’s approval of you - yes, even before he has plucked up enough courage to introduce himself to you. You see, a woman might introduce her man to his mom after a few months, but a man does it even before you meet him!

He would say, “Mom, what do you think of Nancy?” His mom would roll her eyes and strike a cunning smile, “What are you telling me my boy, you mean you and Nancy - the student doctor are - you know?” The guy at this stage would simply smile and say, “Well she is kinda interested in me, but I don’t know if she is the right woman for me.”

So, as soon you allow the guy to drop you at home, instead of the street corner, and you start mentioning how you would want to settle down one day - this all ‘green light’ signs for the dude!

The sad news, however, my dear brothers, is that she might not necessarily have you in mind when she contemplates all these good things. You see, she considers you a friend and would share ‘anything with you’. Yeah, you are apparently the best friend she ever had - ever more than Maria, her trusted primary school confidant.

She would run to you every time a dude is interested in her; and you, being her best friend, are obliged to listen attentively and advise her to go for the dude! Yeah, if you say she should not go for the guy, you will be labelled as not knowing what you are talking about.

Back in the hood, they would tell you that it is a bad idea to befriend a woman whom you have feelings for. Apparently it makes it difficult for the man to change his tune once he has plucked up enough courage to do so.

The bottom line - even if he won’t admit it – is that no man wants to be “just friends” with someone he has taken a liking to. That’s like saying, “I have something important to tell you, something that will make you happy… but then I will have to kill you.”

To a woman it might be a sign of keeping the cage door open in case ‘the crow returns home to roost’, but to a man it means being used for a relationship counsellor and made to carry heavy shopping bags!

So, next time you intend telling a guy off by using the “let’s just be friends line”, first pause to consider the harm you would be causing the poor fella.

Until then...

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