I am a wealthy man - my own way

22 December 2017 | Opinion

If you ever thought Africa had a deficit of acting talent – think again! The ‘black’ African soil has surely produced some of the world’s finest actors and actresses. Hands Down!

No, I am not referring to the likes of Arnold Vosloo and Charlize Theron.

I am referring to the plain ‘Jane’, or as in this case – plain ‘Johns’ who would go out of their way to prove their perceived superiority and intelligence to all and sundry. The motive: to win the affection of a woman.

Their modus operandi might appear simple to the untrained eye, however, it is a carefully orchestrated and foul proof method, at least for a while. The trick is to get into a personality that would surely arouse the interest of the woman concerned.

For instance, if she is into bankers and economists - you become one of Namibia’s sought after economist. It’s not that simple though – you have to do some ground breaking research on basic fiscal terminology and jargons and find out about latest interest rates from the central bank.

If you have one of those names named after your grandparents, like Estalimentaline for a Herero, or Shifinalonginyamwe if you hail from the north – lose it. Trust me; the woman would suffocate trying to say your name in a fit of anger…or passion!

Once the opportunity arises to meet the woman, you offer to take your boss’ Mercedes Benz for a wash and pitch up at the woman’s place in it. Once outside her flat’s door, and after making sure she is watching from the window, you grab your new Nokia Dual-Sim cell phone (which you borrowed from a wealthier friend), and start ‘talking’ on it.

It does not really matter what you say on the phone, as long as you throw large figures on the balance of payment surplus and comment on the raging economic meltdown. Oh, don’t forget to remind your ‘secretary’ on the other end of the phone to hold all your calls for the next hour, as you do not want to be disturbed. That is guaranteed to keep you in her good books for a while.

?Try to remain ‘modest’ during the conversation with the woman. If she goes like “Wow, so you studied at Harvard...?” You can interject by saying;

“Actually No...I turned Harvard down. The timing of the studies came at a time when my country needed my services in drafting a turn-around strategy for our fiscal policy amid global speculations that emerging markets stand to lose out on direct-foreign investments as a result of a slowdown in the demand for the country’s exports. So, I had to turn them down in the interest of my country...”

Also, make sure you throw in some tad-bits from history or go the trivial route, something like “...more people are killed each year from bees than from snakes and it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.”

Well, that usually gets the brother going for a while before the woman invites him to dinner to meet her father – the governor of the central Bank.

If your boss does not own a Merc, take your boss’ boss car. What, he too does not own one? Then quit – you will be better off working at the counter of Casa Branka For You and Me Shebeen.

For those of us not lucky to land an office job, just present her with whatever is in abundance at your work place. For instance, If you work in a bakery - take her bread for her school kids every day. Trust me; bread is an expensive commodity in this world.

I have to admit, acting out such a role requires more takes than shooting a Hollywood blockbuster. Of course the golden rule still applies - don’t get caught. If you do, you didn’t hear it from me.

Until then...

[email protected]

Similar News

 

The great English debate

5 days ago - 16 January 2018 | Opinion

We have closely been following the debate on social media regarding the core requirements needed for university admission with a particular emphasis on the official...

What is it that we don't seem to understand?

6 days ago - 15 January 2018 | Opinion

According to newly released figures, the world economy had a record year in 2017. Following on that, stock markets around the world had their best...

Education reforms are needed

1 week ago - 12 January 2018 | Opinion

Every year there is brouhaha about the Grade 10 and matric exam results, with specific interest in whether the pass rate went up or down...

Anarchy should not be tolerated

1 week ago - 10 January 2018 | Opinion

Some former SWATF/Koevoet soldiers are threatening to spill blood following their defection from the Namibia War Veterans' Trust (Namvet) which in the last couple of...

Who is watching the watchers or keeping the keepers?

1 week ago - 09 January 2018 | Opinion

The president has recently made it very clear, a couple of times now, that there will have to come an end to corruption and non-performance...

A legacy worth following

3 weeks ago - 29 December 2017 | Opinion

It is not often that a famous personality is able to transcend from one sphere of society to become influential in another.And yet this is...

Taking stock

3 weeks ago - 28 December 2017 | Opinion

John Lennon sings: “Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man, Imagine all the people...

Finally, at long last, liberation from the liberators?

3 weeks ago - 27 December 2017 | Opinion

It seems like the winds of change are finally starting to blow strongly through Southern Africa, after a prolonged, very “windless” period.In Angola, after what...

I am a wealthy man - my own way

4 weeks ago - 22 December 2017 | Opinion

If you ever thought Africa had a deficit of acting talent – think again! The ‘black’ African soil has surely produced some of the world’s...

We must fix education together

4 weeks ago - 22 December 2017 | Opinion

The just released Junior Secondary Certificate (JSC) examination results are disappointing to say the least. Our education system has over the years experienced a worrying...

Latest News

Germany's first blow in genocide...

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Justice

As was expected the German government through its Washington lawyers appealed to the New York federal court to dismiss the Nama and OvaHerero lawsuit, but...

Hambukushu committee in dramatic U-turn

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Cultural

In a dramatic twist, a committee established by the Hambukushu tribe with the sole mandate to force local chief Erwin Munika Mbambo to relinquish power,...

Building strong ­relationships

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Supplements

TUNOHOLE MUNGOBAAn average day of a sales consultant in the world of vehicle and asset finance begins with an administrative focus to finalise all applications...

Alleged double killer gets new...

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Justice

A man accused of killing two women and burning their bodies at a dumpsite in Windhoek in January 2016 now has a new state-funded defence...

Pensioners given the run-around

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Government

CATHERINE SASMANAn elderly couple claim to have been given misleading information about re-registration for state pensions last week.The couple, preferring anonymity, say they went to...

Bank Windhoek appoints procurement head...

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Supplements

Joubert has over 20 years’ experience in the procurement environment in both the public and financial sectors, including supply chain processes such as receipting, warehousing,...

When to give an annual...

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Supplements

Luck of the draw. Some companies have a firm policy that says that employees who haven’t been with the company for at least a full...

Fransfontein hostel: Ministry steps in

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Education

Kunene education officials have jumped into action after slum-like living conditions at a Khorixas school hostel came to light this month, vowing to render assistance...

Angola to issue US$2 bln...

2 days ago - 19 January 2018 | Economics

Stephen Eisenhammer - Angola plans to issue a Eurobond and renegotiate bilateral debt in 2018 as part of measures aimed at restructuring the economy and...

Load More