How to get through month-end bills

12 January 2018 | Columns

I love my friends and really care for them but when it comes to month-end, the only friend I care about is God! Yeah, God is the only friend I keep during the month-end weekend and, if luck has it, for the week after that too.

Whoever said trouble can knock you down to your knees and force you to pray, probably had month-end in mind.

Month-end is like a partner in love - you miss her so much when you are apart, yet when you are together you wish you never met her in the first place! Yeah, you all know what I am talking about – you know that moment when you notice for the first time that he has a hunchback after spending close to a year with him?

I don’t know how you get through the animal call month-end, but I have my own unique and tested ways. The golden rule, of cause, is to avoid spending money you do not have. If they label people like that in the community where you come from, take the new name with pride.

I mean, I am called a ‘successful failure’ by the three stooges – the group of ladies that think they are the most complete invention after sliced bread – but I wear the name with pride!

When a ‘friend’ calls and all indications are that he intends asking for money - be the first one to ask for money, even if you don’t really need it. You know, if he goes like “Eish, my friend I have a serious problem… you know what happened…. Eish, I am in big trouble…” - all indications are that he intends asking for money and just wants to be diplomatic in his approach.

Dear friends, there is no harm in saying ‘NO’ to someone who expects you to have money to lend him - even if he gets paid on the same date as you.

Any bearded, huge white man wearing khaki shorts and carrying a cardboard entering your office is bad news. Ever heard of the term ‘Messenger of the Court‘? You would be unlucky if you spot him too late, else you could change your name to that of a non-existent person.

It is actually simple to come up with such a name. You see, in Namibia for instance you could connect a name popular with one tribe with a surname known to belong to another tribe - something like Tangeni Tjivikua, or Veenda Haimbodi.

The trick is even more foolproof when applied over the phone. When a person phones your office and struggles to pronounce your name, chances are he too wears khaki shorts - say you are not in the office! Something like “… who? Charles… oh I am sorry, he is not in the office…this is David Mosimane speaking!”

If Mary, Susan or Tussy phone out of the blue and agree on that date you had asked her around the tenth of last month, turn her down. Chances are she would suggest you rent DVDs and watch the movies from home.

Next she would place her monthly groceries tag on you - all in the name of ‘… snacks while we watch the movie…’. If that fails, she would make sure she orders more than what her small tummy can take so that she carries the rest home in a ‘doggy bag’.

Also, avoid spanning your net of conquest around month-end; dates do not come cheap around this time. Rather take her out around the 15th of the month; she will take anything you offer her.

And don’t believe the hype around bargains. It is only a bargain if it is for free and you can take it home immediately! It is not a bargain if you never needed it in the first place.

Forget about all that gold that seems to glitter when you look at the bargain; it is

all superficial. Trust me, sales people are professionally trained to have the unparalleled ability to sell ice to an Eskimo.

Also, if you can’t afford the car’s fuel, simply walk - people who see you along the way will think you are merely walking for fitness purpose.

At least that’s how we do it in the hood.

Until then…

[email protected]

Similar News

 

Our dismal public healthcare

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Columns

There appears to be no end in sight to the many and deep-seated problems at the heart of Namibia's public healthcare sector. It goes without...

Labels, the choice is yours

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Columns

I've come across different types of artists; those that are prosperous and those who are only just making it by the grace of the Almighty....

Corruption claims taint army

3 days ago - 17 October 2018 | Columns

Namibian Sun lifted the veil last week on corruption allegations in the Namibia Defence Force (NDF), where deserving soldiers are allegedly being overlooked for promotions,...

It's all-or-nothing

4 days ago - 16 October 2018 | Columns

Tonight's crucial Africa Cup of Nations (Afcon) qualifier between the Brave Warriors and Os Mambas of Mozambique can play a significant part in the final...

90s babies are killing it

4 days ago - 16 October 2018 | Columns

Elizabeth JosephGone are the days when we looked forward to the Windhoek Industrial and Agricultural Show at the Windhoek Showgrounds. By ‘we’ I mean the...

Why don’t you come to the party?

5 days ago - 15 October 2018 | Columns

The minister of finance Calle Schlettwein, during his meeting with the private sector at the close of last week, said that the taxpayer must come...

Our money-milking SOEs

1 week ago - 12 October 2018 | Columns

While making an impassioned plea this week for the National Assembly to pass the much-anticipated and long overdue Public Enterprises Governance Bill, public enterprises minister...

Corruption - A social disease (Part 147): The Bribe...

1 week ago - 12 October 2018 | Columns

Johan Coetzee - The objective of Nigeria's Bribe Code is to address the contract between government and companies as one of the potential key strategies...

Just do it, now

1 week ago - 12 October 2018 | Columns

Has someone ever approached you and told you that you are capable or really good at a certain activity, and your first thought was really?...

It will be the end of the road

1 week ago - 11 October 2018 | Columns

The International Civil Aviation Organisation (ICAO) has announced that for some years now, they have raised their security concerns with local authorities, but to date...

Latest News

Nail errant nurses - Haufiku

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Health

Health ministry permanent secretary Ben Nangombe has issued a directive that no nurses may use their cellphones while on duty, and that no health facilities...

No peace for Cheryl's family

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Crime

The police are still working around the clock to catch the killer, or killers, of nine-year-old Cheryl Avihe Ujaha although there has been a lack...

Recruiting the best staff

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Supplements

Below are some tips for employers on how to go about this often arduous task.Improve your candidate poolCompanies that select new employees from the candidates...

Taking Namfisa to new and...

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Supplements

Octavia Tsibes As the deputy CEO of prudential supervision at the Namibia Financial Institutions Supervisory Authority (Namfisa), Erna Motinga is responsible for strengthening its supervisory...

Our dismal public healthcare

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Columns

There appears to be no end in sight to the many and deep-seated problems at the heart of Namibia's public healthcare sector. It goes without...

A vivacious young woman

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Supplements

Born and raised in a small village called Kayira-yira, situated eight kilometres west of Rundu, Zonia worked very hard throughout her school years and moved...

Improving sustainability through change

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Supplements

Justicia Shipena Her key role is to help Namport deliver sustainable performance improvement by utilising people. Futher focusing on how change can influence, which includes...

Airport downgrade a major threat

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Transport

Analysts believe that if Hosea Kutako International Airport (HKIA) is downgraded by the International Civil Aviation Organisation (ICAO), it would lead to massive job losses,...

'Arrogant' Utoni under fire

1 day - 19 October 2018 | Government

Land reform minister Utoni Nujoma has been described as crude, dismissive and arrogant when it comes to dealing with the media.These were the sentiments of...

Load More