Dealing with indecision

12 November 2019 | Columns

Evany van Wyk

I have always been and will continue to be honest about my utter inability to make a decision.

It’s something that just gets me every time. Just when I think that I have finally done it correctly, something pops up and I start doubting how sound my judgement actually is.

It is, to say the least, an immense burden to carry, especially during a time in your life when the decisions you make will determine your entire future.

This age, mind you, is not the best time to be making serious life decisions, because how the heck do you know what is best for you? That’s just my opinion, at least. You think you know, but in reality it is just one of those things that simply is not true. I have always based my decisions on my instinct or gut feeling. I must say that it has turned out quite well and I have not regretted doing so. For example, when someone invites me somewhere and my gut tells me not to go, then I will stay. The reason is because bad things have a tendency of happening to me when I step out of my comfort zone.

I have learnt lessons, and that is why the decisions I make will always be in the best interest of my and others’ safety.

But what if something makes you question your decision? What if your gut feeling tells you to reconsider something? Unfortunately we don’t like to make fools of ourselves and be that person who cannot make up their mind, and then embarrasses themselves by changing their view on something.

Somehow doing that has been made into a massive faux pas, and the reason remains unknown.

If I liked the All Blacks, but then I see something new in the Springboks, why am I being ambushed because I changed my mind? Or what if I liked one guy, but I decide I can’t be with that person because someone new stepped into the scene?

If changing your decision has an impact on people, and it causes a stir, you might feel obliged not to do it, because of the well-being of others and not wanting to cause an unnecessary commotion. What many people do not realise is that sometimes thinking of your own well-being is more important. I’m not saying be selfish, I’m just saying that self-love and self-care once in a while is not such a bad idea.

However, if you change of mind and it is completely irrational, and you are just being difficult and trying to make people beg you to do something, then you’d better find something else to pass the time. When you have a tendency to make decisions and change your mind, which in turn has an impact on others, they might start to distrust you for your inconsistency.

In the end, I feel that any decision being made should be respected and people constantly trying to change your mind should just back off. Whether it is the right decision or not, the important part is that you will learn a lesson from it. Bad decisions will ultimately come back to bite you, thus teaching you a lesson about thinking things through. Sitting on the fence about something is not uncommon, so take things one step at a time. That is at least what I am going to try and do. Regret is a part of life and is also the best teacher, but only when you choose to listen to it. It just doesn’t make sense how you can regret drinking alcohol the next day, because of a hangover, but then later you climb on the exact same train, which leads to doom.

Learning from a bad decision is what makes life a journey of growth. Advice I have received is to stick to your guns and not do something because of other people’s opinions. Decisions can have unexpected and unintended consequences. The thing that is maybe the most difficult for us to accept is that we are afraid of making the wrong choice. Not just afraid, but shaking in our boots that things are bound to go wrong. Getting rid of that fear or overcoming it seems impossible, and thus I am left with a very important question, which I hope I get an answer to soon: What am I going to decide?

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