Auntie Nangy

Partying non-stop, but lonely
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I'm 20 and I'm losing it big time because I'm suffering emotionally. I'm trying my level best to become a bad girl, partying non-stop and dating a married man even though I'm not sleeping with him nor do I love him. I'm feeling so lost, useless and alone. I don't know what I'll do next because I'm so sick and tired of being me. Am I being selfish or am I just abnormal?

Have you tried speaking to someone you trust? In most cases, there's something that triggers this sort of feelings in you. You just need to learn to deal with them in a way that you do not endanger yourself and speaking to someone helps. Find a hobby or something to do whenever you're feeling lost, or sad. Keep a diary or a journal, where you write down your thoughts and your feelings. You are not useless and you are also not alone. Many young people your age experience what you are going through. You need to start seeing the value in you before you can see it in other people and life itself. Feeling unhappy or sad in response to disappointment is normal. Find someone you can talk to about the way you feel, it can be someone from Lifeline/Childline, a trusted friend or close relative, just find other means to vent your frustrations. Becoming a bad girl will only make things worse. Do what you enjoy doing and enjoy being young.

We have never met
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I'm 23 and I met a guy of 21 online. He seems really nice and we have been chatting for three months now. The problem is that we have never met face to face and we plan to meet because we have somehow fallen in love. I'm worried that if he meets me, he may not find me attractive.

The good thing is that he didn't fall in love with your body or your face. He fell in love with you, the person he has been chatting to this whole time, so don't worry. If it's genuine, then he'll still like the person he sees. You should also not judge him by his looks either because that's not what matters.

I am confused
Dear Auntie Nangy,
We didn't break up
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I was madly in love with an Angolan guy who stays in Namibia. We didn't break up but just parted ways. He told me he has a girl, but I don't believe him. He's more into his books than girls, but he still loves me. Should I take him back?

Did he tell you he wants you back or even hinted in the slightest in that direction? Has he told you that he still loves you or are you just speculating? If he has not said anything about the two of you getting back together, then it may perhaps be safer not to hold your breath. Talk to him and just let him know what you're thinking. Ask him if his story about having a girlfriend is true and if he still wants you back.

He doesn't like sex
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I like having sex but he doesn't. What must I do?

Ask him why he doesn't enjoy sex with you and then take it from there. Is it because he doesn't enjoy it? The two of you can always find ways to do it in a way that would satisfy both of you. You haven't given me much information though. How long have the two of you been together, are you married, has he ever cheated on you? There could be many reasons why he does not want to have sex with you.

In love with them both
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I'm in love with two guys and I don't know which one to choose.

Choose the one you like the most. Or you can draw up a list on why you like each one of them and then make up your mind. I however doubt you love them both equally. Just don't play around with people's feelings.
Addicted to masturbation
Dear Auntie Nangy,
Is it wrong if I'm addicted to masturbation?

Too much of anything is wrong, good or bad. When you are addicted, you do it a lot and may at times also interfere with your normal day-to-day life. In men, masturbation addiction can in some cases cause prostate problems.

I want him for myself
Dear Auntie Nangy,
I'm 25 and I'm dating a 28-year-old guy. I love him so much and I know that he loves me too. The problem is that he's in love with another woman and he told me himself. We share my flat and we go to work together and we have a lot in common. He also promised to stay with me for the rest of his life. I just feel jealous, because I don't want to share him with anybody. I want to marry him, because he's the only one for me. How can he be mine alone?

Tell him how you feel about him and the other woman. Put down some terms and conditions so that he knows he can't have two women at the same time if he says he is truly in love with one. I also don't think it's wise or fair of him to start seeing another woman while he's still living with you. Whether he's going to do something about the feelings he has for the other woman or not, will have to be a personal decision that only he can make. You also have decisions to make that put you first. You should be no one's second choice or third wheel.