A new season

I'm a qualified lawyer, but I'm utterly unqualified when it comes to the things of God. Why, you might ask?

Exhibit A:

I have a complicated come-to-Jesus story that involved a life of habitual sin, rebellion and the type of disobedience against God that — if I was an Old Testament character – His anger would've burned against me.

After fighting Him for 17 years, I became born-again in 2019 — but my heart was not fully in it because I did it for selfish reasons. I just needed a quick solution to my problems.

The biggest issue was that I couldn’t relate to God as my Heavenly Father — my earthly daddy issues became Heavenly Daddy issues too. I wasn’t trying to build a relationship with God, because like the Israelites in Exodus, I considered God from a transactional perspective — more of what God could do for me. I needed His power, but I wasn’t interested in His presence. I engaged His ‘services’ like a client going to a lawyer, but the lawyer in me decided to give Him a list of my facts and I extracted the underlying spiritual issues, found the scriptures that solved those issues and I concluded the matter for Him in prayer – using the FILAC method (Google it).

My amen wasn’t about His will being done, it was about getting my way – but with God’s power and heaven’s resources.

I’m not proud of who I was; I don’t condone such behaviour, nor do I seek to glorify that mind-set, but that’s who I was and I’m sharing my ugly truth. I had to repent a lot for this wrong mind-set to die.

In hindsight, desperation took me to God, but His grace and love convinced me to stay. Eventually, I started transforming and I started liking the person I was growing into. It became a five-year journey that painfully disciplined and tearfully pruned, stripped, burnt and moulded me into knowing His character and who I truly am. The more I opened my heart to Him, the more He revealed that He had always loved me - even when I doubted or initially rejected His love. This started restoring my identity, my self-worth and unlocked more of my love for Him too. Eventually, it birthed my desire to live for His glory and the Yolanda of 2024 has a great appreciation for the following scripture:

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” - Philippians 2:13

I never thought that I would ever pray to God to work in me a desire and the power to do what pleases Him, but now, nothing else matters because my life belongs to Lord Jesus.

Exhibit B:

I also feel unqualified because I got born-again two seconds ago in 2019, I haven’t done any formal theological studies and I haven't read the whole Bible – I only know what I have read and the fresh revelations it has unlocked. Yet He’s trusting me to write this column titled ‘Spirit, Soul and Body’.

Exhibit C:

Lastly, I feel unqualified because my divorce was finalised in May 2023 and I was certain that this disqualified me even further in God’s eyes.

I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone – it’s like going through a funeral without a body and you must give yourself closure.

However, divorce was the one experience that led me through an unprecedented fire, but instead of fighting the fire or just burning from the heat, I surrendered the fire to God and tearfully asked Him use it to refine, purify, sanctify and mould me into the highest version of myself.

New season

So, in this new season, I have been healed and transformed by God and I’m now moving with a bold understanding of “knowing whose I am, knowing who I am and not being afraid of who I am and what I carry”.

I might not be qualified in the things of God, but God chooses who He uses and I’m certainly made for a time such as this.

For His glory, please accept my invitation and join me on this amazing journey of becoming a transformed believer, learning more about God or simply allowing your curiosity to inspire you to keep reading this column.

I welcome your comments, input queries or concerns. Email me at [email protected].