The death of the craft of writing

Oh how the art of writing has changed. Gone are the days when people used to write love letters to each other to express their emotions for each other. Ja, a man would pen the most amazing words to declare his true feelings to his significant other.



This true act chivalry has since died and replaced with a lame method referred to as texting. The problem with texting does not lie in the method itself, but rather in what has now become a new version of English.



I mean, how on earth does someone write “I 1 2 C U B4 8 2nite…”. Apparently, the common English, this would translate to “ I want to see you before Eight (O'' clock) tonight…”. Seriously?



Every time I receive one of these messages that have been abbreviated to the core, I always nod my head in agreement with those that reason that the art of writing – a craft that is meant to not only transport ideas but also leave lasting emotions – has surely gone to the dogs.



Ask any man who was raised in the 70s, and he will confide in you that he had at least once written a long and ''exciting'' love letter to the love of his life (at the time), in which he declared his love and promised heaven and earth. Oh yes, we could write pin unimaginable phrases together that relegated Shakespeare to levels Ordinary!



The trick in writing such letters was in the way you start it. I mean the lady you are after might have probably heard your name in passing and therefore have no idea in hell who you are.



Therein lies your first major obstacle: you ought to first let her know who you are, why should she read a letter from you, and mostly importantly - what would a loser like you want with her.



And a loser I was. I never played soccer, sucked at Mathematics and wore school pants that belonged to my brother the previous year. Eish, it didn''t matter how much you clean and ironed those pants, they will still look the same way they did Friday afternoon.



But I loved them - they were my own version of the coat of many colours that biblical Joseph wore. My brother was also proud of me for having made my dream of wearing black school pants come true, and I just couldn''t get myself to bust his bubble.



So, a typical love letter would start off with “Post of love…Violets are blue, roses are red… my love for you is everlasting. Neither the writer, nor the recipient of the letter could clearly define what loves was back then, but it didn''t really matter.



The 80s produced television commercials that were just out of this world; they had the most amazing taglines that left you wondering just how they do it. We used them in our letters too!



If she appreciates your advances, she would immediately swoop places in class with another classmate to sit closer to you. She would be eyeing you throughout the lessons, and even give you a perk kiss on the cheek on the day just before the summer holidays. Forget about Duracell batteries lasting longer - I still remember and feel those kisses on my left cheek like it were yesterday.



The price to pay for such affection was high though: you have to carry her school bag for her in between lessons, buy her vetkoek (fatcake) during breaks, and walk her home even though you live kilometers apart from each other.



Trust me, those bags were heavy! You see, unlike guys who would carry a few books and leave the heavy Mathematics textbook at home to share with a friend in class; girls carried all their prescribed books to school!



The downside of it all is unimaginably cruel; your letter will be read out loud just before the History class, and for weeks after that you will become the talk of the class - for all the wrong reasons. The names that you earn for pulling off stunts like that will not simply wash away overnight - they get stuck on you!



Now you know why I am called “Mr. My heart is on fire and you are the ice”!



Until then…



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