Taxi drivers rule the world

You have never lived as a person until you take one of those taxis that ferry people between Swakopmund and Walvis Bay. I tell you, if you ever struggled to pray, just hop onto one of these taxis and you will be saying the Lord’s Prayer in Greek!

The drivers of these taxis, locally known as ‘Peep-peep’ from the sound of the hooter when looking for customers – have the unmatched ability to make these two coastal towns seemed like they are merely suburbs in the same town.

Trust me; if one of them were to drive past Michael Schumacher, the German would probably think his car was moving backwards!

But it is not only their ability to clock 180km/h in a 60km/h zone that has made this mode of transport infamously popular – it is everything about them that makes them stand head above the rest.

For starters, they do not wait for you as a customer to choose the taxi for themselves; they decide for you. Once you get out of the local taxi to look for another that will take you to Walvis Bay, four largely built guys will be storming towards you.

I didn’t think that was funny the first time it happened to me. I was ready to confess all my hideous dealings of the past ten years, as I saw the dudes approaching at full speed towards me. In my mind I was screaming “It was only a kiss – on the cheek” and “She told me her boyfriend was in Keetmanshoop”!

This is apparently how they secure customers; by rushing ‘rugby style’ towards you and grabbing your belongings. The next moment you will have each one of the three bags you are travelling with in three different taxis.

Once that happens, phase-two of ‘How to board a taxi’ kicks in. This stage is called the negotiation process, where each driver attempts to convince the other that he should have the privilege of having you as a commuter in his vehicle.

It is funny; they do not even listen to you! It is like those tates from the village that will be deciding on the bridal price (lobola) for their most precious daughter. If she has Grade 12, completed a Damelin course and speaks moderate English – she is going to cost you an arm and a leg.

If she is born after Namib Air changed to Air Namibia and has the amazing ability to knit and sew, chances are you would need an AgriBank loan to wed her!

So, there you are; standing with your arms on your hips, listening to this taxi driver, then the other and the other, not knowing what to make of the situation.

Deciding on your own is even more difficult; I am told there is more to all those taxis that appear to only needing one person before they are ready to leave for Walvis Bay. Those taxis, I am told, are full of ‘stones’ or ‘Omamanya’ and not real commuters.

I inquisitively enquired as to how the system works from one taxi driver.

“No my friend, those guys are ‘omamanya’. This one is ‘emanya’ and this one also (pointing to the people in the car). We only load them to fool you people into believing the car is almost full,” he said.

The ‘stones’ will be driving around Swakopmund in the taxi looking for real commuters. If there are three ‘stones’ in a car, you would think you are the only one needed before departing. Once you get on, one ‘stone’ will get out of the car, again leaving one space.

The process carries on until the taxi driver has filled his car. The ‘stones’ each earn about N$2.00 for their efforts. It is not much, but multiply that with the number of times the dude is prepared to act as a ‘stone’ per day and you will see the difference.

I am told that some commuters have caught onto the trick, which forced the drivers to change to women as ‘stones’, as people are more trusting of women. One clever taxi driver has even gone as far as acquiring the services of ‘white stones’, as white people are apparently even more fool proof than women.

In the end, it is not about working harder – only smarter, I am told.

Until then…

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