My maiden flight against the great Atlantic

You have not lived until you have travelled frequently – by air! You can call yourself an atheist – you know all that jazz about not believing in the existence of a God – but when you are 12 000 kilometers off the ground, you will convert in no time. I do not know which is worse; to know that you are that high off the ground, or that the plane is moving at an average speed of 990km/h.

Have you ever observed how even the hardened atheist silently hums “Amazing Grace” to himself whenever the captain announces that the plane is going through some turbulence? Trust me, there is nothing I like more than having both my feet firmly on the ground, but we all have to get on a plane sometime I guess.

In fact, the questions they ask you before you get onto a plane are nothing short of comedy scripts! At one airport they asked me, “Sir, have you ever been convicted of a crime?”

Of course I have not, but I was just thinking if I had in fact been convicted of a crime, would I say 'yes' and allow myself to be shipped to Guantanamo Bay?

“No officer, I have no criminal record,” I replied.

“But did you ever commit a crime before, sir?” At this stage I am thinking this must be one of those Dare or Truth games. What is the officer thinking – that I committed a crime in the past and was never caught, and that finally I am ready to be caught?

“No officer, I have never committed a crime in my life…,” I replied. I counted the seconds as my smart officer thinks of another question. I bet silently to myself that it is going to be even more 'questionable' than the first two.

And, like clockwork, the officer finally ask: “Are you planning to commit a crime any time soon, Sir?”

At this stage I look around to other passengers behind me, to see if they follow what is happening. It appears these questions were standard and I am the funny one for wondering why the officer is asking me the questions!

One of the passengers even raised his eye brows at me, as if asking, “Well, do you plan to commit a crime? Answer the officer, it is a truly legitimate question”.

I left it at that.

I know it must be protocol, but the things they tell you before you fly makes you want to think twice about getting on that plane. It's like a scene from one of those movies about going into space and saving the world by sacrificing yourself to be the target of a loose meteorite!

Ja, the part where the entire human race gather at the foot of your spaceship, some watching over live Television, as you make your slow-motion entrance into the space ship.

Mind you, they clap hands after you take off – what the hell? Shouldn't someone be crying her lungs out – I am on a suicide mission for crying out loud.

The cabin attendants - the ever smiling faces that never quit smiling even when turbulence make the jumbo Airbus feel like a wheelbarrow – are tasked with the ensuring your safety.

To execute their work thoroughly, they show you how to escape the plane in cases of emergencies and how to put on an oxygen mask when needed.

And there I am, seated in my window seat, seeing dear ground getting smaller and smaller as we take off.

At that point I am thinking to myself – 'Emegency exit from the plane”? Exit to where – cloud nine? Nah, I'd rather put on the oxygen mask and remain in my tiny seat.

I can now say with confidence that I am a brilliant flyer – much better than Tjeripo. Eish, that man never wants to try new things.

But Tjeripo is cut from a rare fabric – the other day we were stopped by a mugger who demanded money from us.

We both grudgingly pull out our wallets and begin taking out our cash.

Just then Tjeripo turns to me hands me a bill and said: “Here's that N$200 I owe you”.

He is after all smart fella.

Until then…



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