Don't mess with a man's ego

I read with great interest some time ago of how a woman in Zimbabwe had to flee her matrimonial home to escape the fury of her husband, who was angered by his wife’s actions when she apparently “screamed in appreciation’ to a sexy video of US R&B star Usher.

The husband, according to the article reasoned that his wife has not been showing him any affection, yet she went “mad at an image of someone she will never meet in real life”.

Accusations and counter accusations from both parties follow as the story unfolded. However, dear friends, there is a common message in such story and other similar ones - don’t mess with a man’s ego.

I personally think it is as silly as walking in front of a speeding train to expect a woman to bend over backwards (hope I said that right), just to accommodate your insecurity. But then again, who am I to judge?

I bet every woman wakes up silently in the middle of the night, turn the lights on and looks at our sorry faces as we snore the night away! They would probably be staring at it for at least two full minutes, thinking “I must have been lonely as hell to hook up with this dude….”

The sad part is - you were not forced, you chose independently. I mean, you could have gone for a six-pack chested dude, but you defied all odds and went for a beer belly like yours truly - you ought to be content with the product.

If it was looks you were after, and yet you chose your next door neighbour’s nerdy son - how on earth do you expect a picture perfect man?

Trust me, the bathroom picture already reminds us that we are the luckiest sons of a gun to have you as a partner – don’t rub it in by going crazy over some American in a movie, someone you would probably never get to meet.

I personally would you rather go crazy about Idris Elba than the dude that lives across the street from us – at least that way I know ‘nothing will happen’.

Come to think of it, why does this dude always work bare-chested in his so-called garden? What the hell does he know of plants anyway? I am just wondering; it is not like I am jealous of his six-pack at which my partner seems to stare every time she greets him!



So, next time a sexy music star graces the screen, look away and pretend not to be interested - although your heart would be skipping a beat and screaming for more! Trust me, our eyes are always fixed on our women at such times - one cannot be too careful!

Also, steer clear of all your sexy male workmates. In fact, if you can help it, make sure your boss books you with the nerdish and unlikely ‘contender’ on those extended business trips to the remotest area of the country. It might not make much sense to you, but a man would feel safer that way!

Dear friends, just like a woman - a man smitten would fuss about any small thing from the way you greet him after work to your willingness to share intimacy with him. If he picks up a negative vibe, he would be fast to pin it on chick flicks or even better - the alleged bad influence from your best friend Maria, who according to him is a successful failure!

Make sure you refer to us as “My Charlie“, “My Husband” or simply “My Love”. Nothing soothes our ego more! And do not forget that smile – it was after all the smile that brought us together.

Most men would not admit it, but we all appreciate those occasional “I miss you” calls.

My friend Elvira, from whom I draw most of the wisdom on the opposite sex felt that these are tall orders for a woman, and that women are not responsible for soothing the ego of men.

Well, I agree with her, but I had to write a column and that is all the conventional wisdom I could come up with.

Until then…

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