Auntie Nangy

My wife doesn't turn me on



Dear Auntie Nangy, I'm 45 years old and I'm married but I'm in love with another woman. The problem is, the woman I am cheating my wife with, when she is next me and I want to make love with her because I have strong feelings for her, I flop when I go in. At my wife's side I don't have any feelings with her but she loves me very much and more than the other one. What should I do? Please help me.







Man, you are in a difficult situation and one that plays out to me as a typical African movie. Firstly, I advise to be faithful to your wife because this is what is acceptable before God. There are true stories of men who get “fixed” by their wives if they discover that the husband is cheating. However I am not saying that this is what happened to you and it would be wrong to accuse your wife of any wrong doing. It is not only the wife who can fix the man but greedy side chicks who are in a relationship with wealthy or high-profile men - desperate to keep the man - also run to the sangoma or witchdoctors to get charms that work exactly the way you describe. The problem with some of your side chicks is instead of eating and wiping their mouth and letting the man go back to his wife, they want to imprison him sexually. This is the price you pay for cheating and if my suspicion is correct then you find yourself between a rock and a hard place. Morally it is wrong to cheat on your wife and I advise you to leave this woman that makes your manhood rise to immoral acts and stick with your wife. Remember sex is also psychological. Sex experts that there are a number of psychological needs that men and women must fulfil which are security, autonomy, self-esteem and connection. For a couple to be happy they must meet all these needs. But, sex is the strategy used to meet our psychological needs and it is not a need itself. This is so because there is no evidence to show that celibacy or remaining single and a virgin is harmful to your health or your mind. You will not die because of not having enough sex but, there are many health risks related to sex. In fact the experts say sex is great, sex is awesome and sex makes us healthier. In your case it may not be juju used on you by your women but according to the science of sex, if you're are not connected to your wife in other physiological areas. You could be spending more time with the kamboroto and less time to know your wife better. This assumption that the side lanes are better is just a myth. Remember the first cut is the deepest.



We always quarrel



Dear Auntie Nangy, I am a 21-year-old lady and am dating a 23-year-old guy. We have a nine-month-old daughter but when it comes to talking, we are always insulting each other. What kind of love is that? Auntie, help me please.



I am sorry that you are in a relationship that is filled with verbal wars most of the time and this is not good for the baby. It does not matter that your child is nine months old… a child learns from people around her or him and I am worried that the baby is growing up in a home where there is violence. This may be the reason why these days our young children are becoming more and more violent and teenagers are even killing other people. I always tell people that communication is the foundation of good relationships and healthy unions. You have not told me your bone of contention, otherwise I would have advised you better. We should, as human beings always try to love, understand each other and to be sensitive about what we say to the other person and how it will affect them. You need to identify what the real cause of conflict is for you to find a solution. Do you quarrel about material things or social problems? In any communication episode if you fail to communicate effectively, you will be misunderstood and when this happens, the discussion will become heated and in most cases end up with an impasse or at a dead end. Ask your partner what his problem is or what he feels is the problem with you so that each one of you will reflect and work to correct the problem each one has. You are both too young to be in a warring relationship. At your ages, love should be hot enough to melt the Antarctic ice so tap into its tenderness and just let your love flow.



Is this love?



Dear Auntie Nangy, I am a 22-year-old girl and I have a problem with my boyfriend. He has more than 15 girlfriends. Now, he impregnated me and I am staying with him at his house. He is always telling me that he loves me more than the other girls and that I am his Madam Boss. Must I dump him? What can I do?



I am worried that you are sounding desperate about the situation that you are in. I would say, if it was me in your situation, I would have packed my love bags and left long time ago than to cling to a Casanova who has 15 other women. This is crazy, insane and a meaningless relationship between you and your man is bad. He is just a sex maniac and a health hazard. In these days of drug-resistant HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, you cannot be seeking advice if your reasoning capacity is not functioning properly. I urge you to get out of that relationship before it is too late instead of making yourself a dustbin where he throws his rubbish. Such risky behaviour should not be tolerated. The courts are there for you to use to claim child maintenance from this sex maniac.