Auntie Nangy

Am I a slut?

Dear Auntie

I have a problem; I am a 29-year-old woman and dating an amazing man. Back in university during those wild days, I had slept with two of his friends, and he is aware of it. I am no angel. We both partied in the same circles and only started dating when we were both 27 and much more mature. My problem is, his friends and family always insult him with my past, and his sister goes as far as calling me a bad names. I am hopeless Auntie?

Oh child, if Auntie were going to regret every time she dipped it low, there will be no time to live and be happy. Your past is your past, it influenced who you are, but it does not completely define you. Who you are now, is who you are. It will be ideal to get along with your boyfriend’s family, but the absence of that should not leave you hopeless. Speak to your boyfriend, tell him that it hurts. You don’t have to go to his family gatherings; he can still have a relationship with his family and with you. You are dating him, not his family, okay? Now, dust yourself off, and be happy. Also don’t beat yourself up about your hoe days. Auntie often reminisces on those good old glorious days, shuuuu how Auntie misses them sometimes.

No one wants me

Dear Auntie

I have problem with my life. I’m 34 years old, I don’t drink smoke or use drugs. I’m a smart man, I do every buy myself and I am good in bed too. I am failing to understand why no woman wants to be with me. What must I do, I don’t think I deserve to be lonely.

Woman like a confident man, not a self-absorbed man and judging by your description of yourself, “good in bed and smart”, oh dear, Auntie is already side-eyeing you. So let’s start here: Put in the work, ask yourself whether you are approachable, do some soul-searching to see whether you are confident or arrogant, because there’s a difference. Then, ask yourself what your type is. What Auntie knows for sure is that everyone is attractive; some just learned to hide that, or cover that up with often unattractive tendencies.

Letting everyone down

Dear Auntie

I have insecurity issues that I believe could be the reason I don’t feel like I have done much in my life. I am a graduate with a job that is comfortable but I feel like I could be much better. How do I shake this feeling? My parents are proud of me, and so is my family, I however feel like I am letting them down. Please help me?

Auntie knows what you’re going through; there is so much pressure on young people to achieve certain things at a certain age. When Auntie was 25 she bumped into a former classmate of hers who had a car, a master’s degree and a fiancé, and Auntie at none of that, heck, Auntie was still popping bottles. Auntie felt mighty useless, but you know what Auntie has since learned? It is that your race is your race. If comfortable is not enough for you, change that, do something more daring and challenging. Take that leap of faith. Auntie has learned that when we live to seek the validation of others, that’s when we stop dreaming and when we finally die. You don’t belong where you are not happy.

Must I pick my mother?

Dear Auntie

I am a final-year student but I feel like the course I studied is not my calling. I told my mother about it and she’s not happy because she sacrificed a lot to get me in Unam. I want to drop out and right now and start with my choice course. Should I please my mother over myself?

Oh dear, this one is tricky. You need to live for yourself, but Auntie understands where you’re coming from, you have come too far to give up now. Most parents don’t have the luxury to repeat sacrifices. Ask yourself whether you have the financial means to start from scratch? Won’t it be better to finish this course since you are final-year, and then study something else? You’ve spent three years studying something that is not your calling, one more year won’t heard. Also ask yourself whether when you got that call about your calling, that it was the right call? What if you have a new calling next year? Or the year after? Get your act together and finish this course, you can always get back to your calling later.