All protocol not observed!

Namibians are probably the only nation in the world that either do not know the real meaning of the phrase 'all protocol observed', or simply abuse the term intentionally. Seriously, one would swear they overuse the phrase - probably because the man who coined it was a sworn rival of theirs or something.

This is the only country in the world where our politicians, business people and whoever is in a position of power takes 20 years to make a speech – spending more than half that time on greetings.

A typical speech of a minister or anyone in that position would go something like “Your excellency, President of the Republic of Timbuktu, Dr Charlie Tjatindi, the right honourable Prime Minister of the republic, Honourable Tjeripo Tjeripo, Governor of the great banana region, honourable…you get the point?

But the cherry on top of the cake is when they conclude by '…all protocol observed….” Seriously? After all the effort you put in making sure you greet or acknowledge everyone by name and status, you are now just going to throw these VIPs with the rest of them all?

Ja, that is the status quo of Namibian political event. It does not matter whether the occasion is the welcoming of a visiting Head of State, or a simple prize-giving ceremony of a kindergarten – the programme remains the same.

Of coure, all of this is preceded by my favourite part of the programme – the singing of the Namibian and AU anthems. Oh what a disaster!

To start off with, Namibians can simply not sing without that magic CD containing a recording of the one or the other choir singing the two anthems.

After the master of ceremonies announces that the singing of the anthems is the next item on the list, everyone will be standing to attention and patiently wait on the technician to play the tune so they can follow.

I am not making fun of the national anthem or anything like that – trust me, I know just how sensitive and emotional our national anthem words are for some of us.

As for the AU anthem, only a few of us know the exact words of the anthem. For many of us it is like singing Brenda Fassie's Xhosa songs in Otjiherero.

Ja, Tjeripo used to do that when we were young. Every time he returned from the big city, he would steal one of his father's cassettes of Brenda Fassie, Yvonne Chaka Chaka or some 'funny' music I later learned to be that of 'Bad Company'.

So when he plays a Brenda cassette, you could swear Brenda did the songs in Otjiherero. Tjeripo would stand proud in front of us and sing 'Mitoto to tola losi' at his loudest. Whether those were indeed the words of the song, we never knew.

Trust me, if one person was to step on the cable connecting the amplifier to the CD tray playing the anthems, you would hear each one going in his own direction on the words of the anthems!

I could swear I once heard someone going '…cats and dogs are animals…' in the second stanza of the AU anthem after the CD got stuck!

The toughest job at any formal occasion is undoubtedly that of the person who is tasked with doing the 'vote of thanks'. I always look at such people with sympathy, I mean there is not really much they can say.

If there have been welcoming remarks, introduction of the key speaker, and keynote address; what else is there to say? I would watch in awe as the speaker waffles from one topic to the next, not knowing exactly what to say.

Dear friends, there is nothing as embarrassing as not knowing the words to the national anthem. Consult your eight-year old daughter and allow her to teach you the correct words to the anthem – it will do you good.

If we could sing 'Alert Namibia' word by word and get it right, there is simply no reason why we cannot sing our own national anthem. Does not matter who claims to have composed the anthem – all that matters is that you know the correct words, period.

So, in the interest of all my devoted readers of this column, let me thank you for your devotion and all protocol observed!

Until then…

[email protected]