It’s not that serious!

18 June 2019 | Columns

Ester Kamati

This may be a worn-out topic but the need to talk about it is quite strong. Lately romantic relationships among youth have simply become about physical compatibility and attraction and less about whether a pair like each other enough to stay together despite the negatives. Although this is something that we do not want to hear, or read about, a relationship is not always perfect, it’s not always smiles, and yes, you will argue and that is okay. Ultimately you live for the happy times but it is unnatural for people to always agree on everything. Misunderstandings are normal, but are not something that can’t be resolved.

Now despite this, there are bad habits that each individual has and if you like somebody enough, these are things that you would have to put up with. A wise man once told me that relationships are about partnership and not ownership and that makes a lot of sense. In essence this means that as much as your partner is yours because you are committed to each other, they are not your property and you cannot control their every move.

In addition to that, communication is key. In a relationship you need to understand what means of communication appeals to your partner. You may be communicating but if the person you are trying to communicate with is not receiving the information in the manner intended, then this is equivalent to not communicating at all.

Communication is not about arguing, it is not about making the other person feel bad for their slip-ups, nor is it about who is right at the end of the day. It is strictly about solving the problem that exists; it is about putting an end to the unease, and most importantly, it is about understanding why the other person is uneasy about a particular thing, how you may have made the other person feel and understanding that despite the problem, there are still some great times to come. Communication is putting the problem to rest and tackling it in such a manner that it should not come up in the next argument.

I get the feeling that we put way too much thought into relationships and always want them to be perfect, so we sort of lose the whole essence being a relationship, which is not about being romantic. Learn each other’s habits, get to know what the other person likes and go on adventures. That is how you keep not just the romance but the entire relationship alive.

There are certain people that always discard the idea of new adventures with negative shutdowns, such as “I can drink tea at home”, when asked to go on a tea date for instance. But what they don’t know is that it is not about the tea, it is about the experience. It is about the fact that next time you think of tea, you will picture that moment. It is about the conversation at the tea table, and lastly, it is about the time spent together.

Speaking of time, it is a busy world and everybody is on a different mission, trying to “secure the bag”, get an education and care for a family, etc. But come to think of it, we create time for the things that are important. It’s not about dedicating the entire day to this person, it is about those 20 minutes that you use to take a walk, hold hands and have a completely random conversation. It is those small things that count. It is about that single red rose that you give her that leaves her thinking of you every time she looks at it; it is about that random letter you write him that leaves him smiling from ear to ear.

I am a 90s kid and those are just some of the things I think of. That is my idea of romance, and quite frankly, it is not as stressful and as draining as people make it seem. It is that people overthink it and have a different picture in their heads that keeps them from enjoying and truly experiencing the moment. That is what complicates it, but other than that, it honestly is not that serious!